Subject: Re: Looking. for friend?
I found your picture on one of the websitebs, can we talk to
each other? I might be coming to your place in few weeks.
This would be a great opportunity to meet each other.
baBtw, I am a woman. I am 25. Drop mea a line at email@example.com
I had no choice but to reply:
Thank you for your email. I had no idea you were coming round. This is quite a surprise. I'll get some Mr Kipling Fondant Fancies in. I don't know if you like them, but I do. Especially the pink ones.
So, without wanting to sound too rude, who the HELL are you? How did you get my email? What is a websiteb? Is it something to do with Web 2.0 that I keep reading about? Look, I don't want to seem inhospitable, but I've already got some strange East European woman after me and I'm not sure I can afford to put you both up. For a start my girlfriend, though not an innately jealous woman, has her limits. As Oscar Wilde once said "To put up one Eastern European prostitute is unfortunate. To put up two is clumsy and foolish." What a wit, eh? He was one of ours.
Anyway, though it would be a great opportunity to meet each other, in much the same way as crashing into someone's car almost guarantees meeting the other driver, I don't want to meet you.
I notice you sign off calling me "Babtw" - is that some sort of midlands thing? I know that they call each other "Bab" in Birmingham and its environs.
I won't be dropping "mea" a line, whoever she is. As Oscar said "I can resist anything except courting the affection of third eastern european woman, but I'll have a go mother, now pass me a boxing glove, I'm fisting the Marquis of Queensbury tonight".
Good luck with your feisty ways Micah, but don't come around. I won't be in.