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Pay What Now?
Outro
Hearing the music
When to quit
I am not as other men
Tonight I was funny
Attack of the Drones
Notes on your set
Why Pissing off a Fellow Comedian was Fun
Can I Just Say That iPads are Lame

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Sunday, June 30

I still love putting egg on Pizza. Perhaps that sounds unpleasant, but don't knock it unless you've tried it.

This has been quite a weekend. I've managed to sort out some bits of the house, iron 9 shirts - probably doubling my life's shirt-ironing count (!) - and walk a few miles with dog in tow (or towed by the dog - it varied). I have also been entertaining myself with my fingers - albeit on various keyboards and fingerboards (and the occasional remote control).

I caught the first ever episode of Auf Wiedersehen Pet tonight - hey, that was a damned good show. I assumed that Jimmy Nail's delivery of deadpan humour had come with age - I was wrong! I'll have to make it my second weekly scheduled TV stop, along with Dave Gorman on Thursdays.

Thursday, June 27

The world's ugliest sounding recipe is here... Fish Custard... yuck!

Wednesday, June 26

People are great. They can make you realise that the world is an interesting place with more fun times in it than you could ever enjoy. So, reach out to someone and spread a bit of happiness.

This is ludicrous. My target was 0 and I've hit -4! I don't understand it... but I appreciate it. I'm going to set a target of -1 for next week. We're at the -16 mark now folks! Time to get the belt punch warmed up.

Monday, June 24

The Dave Gorman Collection is due to be repeated on BBC2 for 6 weeks from June 27th. We watched DGIAE being filmed last week... smashing!

Big up to O & N... great deekend wudes! Le won beekend!

Consider the lily... then consider a trip to Dude Studios to watch four episodes of "Star Dudes". Or maybe find out How Stuff Works.

Well, it's real - goats will make silky milk in a cross-breed with both goat and spider genes.

Wednesday, June 19

-3 today! Woof! That makes -12 in total (assuming the first unmeasured week was -2, which I think is fair). Now we get into difficult territory... especially since I'm off for a long weekend of debauchery in London. Let's set a target of 0 for next week. Consolidation is not a bad thing.

Someone has stolen Mal... where are you dude?

From now on, I may have to call people dude a lot more. I'm not sure why.

And finally, two thoughts: it's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than to find appetising healthy food at a Motorway service station; it's easy to feel like a dumbstruck teenager, even if you're long beyond those days - I say that it's probably healthy for puppies to chase cars, even if they have no concept of what they'd do if they caught one.

Does anyone know what the hell I'm talking about?

Saturday, June 15

Check out the guestbook on Stained Red's website. Something of an argument happening about a certain local band.

Friday, June 14

Great news: I snapped a guitar string!

Why is this great? Well, it's the first time I've had to replace a string owing to overuse in about 5 years - this means that I'm actually starting to play my instrument again...

Now I have to work on making music from the strings!

Maybe it is my reading, or maybe it's just the Haikulator being particularly good, but I like a few of the recent offerings, like:

i cannot stand it
threatening my grand revenge
you took everything

Thursday, June 13

"Under law the Quest for Ultimate Truth is quite clearly the inalienable prerogative of your working thinkers. Any bloody machine goes and actually finds it and we're straight out of a job aren't we? I mean what's the use of our sitting up half the night arguing that there may or may not be a God if this machine only goes and gives us his bleeding phone number the next morning?"

Personally, I'd buy the books, but you could read the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy online if you wanted...

But here is a question. What if you did have God's telephone number or email address? How could you sleep? Should you use it?

Another Haikulator pearl of wisdom:

we're not all like you
when the best is yet to come
can you believe it?

Poignant mate!

Wednesday, June 12

I was a victim of the Baltic Bread Man. If you check out the video on the site, you'll find me featured as the member of the public who is walking down the street, eating, oblivious to the breadman. I'm about the second in the surveillance camera montage.

Dieting is hell! Pure negative medicine: don't eat this, don't sit on your arse so much and you might lose weight. There are probably support groups on the internet, but this is one battle I must fight alone.

Week 1 (26 Apr): dunno - probably -2
Week 2 (3 May): -5
Week 3 (10 May): -2
Total so far: -9ish...
Target: -1 for next week.

Sunday, June 9

According to http://www.findyourspot.com, my ideal places to live in the USA include
  • Norfolk, Virginia
  • Chesapeake-Virginia Beach
  • Bangor, Maine (Stephen King Country... and New England, of course)
  • New Brunswick

Basically, plenty of choices!!!

However, I'm staying put here in Geordie land!

Friday, June 7

when times are rocky
wind whistling, kettle boiling
daring me to smile

Dare you smile at The Haikulator?

Thursday, June 6

Apparently it doesn't mean to get a real-estate deal for arable land if someone is said to have bought the farm.

Random generation gone mad!.

A completely smashing article I rediscovered on the internet - how to secure your computer against theft. Or how about barbecuing with liquid oxygen.

Just remember those three little words - "It's that easy"... actually, that's four words (if you expanded the "it's" bit).

Saw Star Wars Episode II tonight... Yodarama! Plus, Natalie Portman did a good impression of being Kate Winslet and Andie MacDowell's lovechild (I know that's not technically possible). In addition, there was a good dose of nipples!

Wednesday, June 5

Ah... the rush... I had gone to the Weighhouse with much trepidation - more concerned about a change in my weight than ever before. I was hoping for a certain degree of mass reduction and I still cannot believe that I managed it, and some!

That's one in the eye for Mr Calorie!

Looking back about a year... This was a fun letter to write - never received a reply, though.

Monday, June 3

The internet screws your mind - you think there's so much information out there that you forget other sources. I was just about to look on Amazon to see if I could find the personnel who play on a particular CD... but I have a copy of that CD, with its inlay, and it's in the next room - indeed, the room in which I sleep and to which I'm headed once I know who plays on the disc.

Time to get a life!

Sunday, June 2

I had forgotten about the next two parts of the holiday to Dublin. They have been sitting, all written in full, on a notepad (which even has its own part in the story - albeit later on) and I had not typed them out yet. Well, they are here now: parts 10 and 11 are online!

Me: Why are you trying to get me drunk?
Him: Because I'm your friend.
Me: But where will you be when I'm puking my guts up from alcohol poisoning, or suffering from the world's biggest hangover? Surely then will I need a friend.
Him: I'll be miles away!

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