Your brain is mine... though if I'm perfectly honest, I don't see the point. However, I do like this Haikulator-esque automatic patent idea generator. I like its definition of a CableMaster.

See the U.S. President pictured making an arse of himself.

Neeeeeeed eeeeemail. Even got excited at some spam that landed...

I think perhaps my hunger for sausage rolls has mutated into a need to press the Send/Receive button. I doubt anything new has come in in the last fifteen seconds, but must dash to give it another try.

Another Wednesday, another mass-measurement/monitoring moment... -1 this week, giving a total to date of -41. Can't help but wonder if I can shave off a further 9 in time for December - that would be nice.

This month is already starting to get busy. Monday the 4th is the first day on the horizon for which I've no idea what I'll be doing by nightfall. No doubt something will crop up.

I'm looking forward to seeing Mr Harry at the tail end of this month. Plus there are gigs, performances and a variety of other distractions to enjoy.

Join Funtix - it's the comedy mailing list. All you need to do is go to http://www.coollist.com/subscribe.html and enter the name of the list - yes that's Funtix - into the first box and your email address into the second. Then you can receive sporadic humourless emails... or should that be regular, humourous ones...? You decide!

Here's me banging on about mayonnaise and avoiding it, and then it turns out to be quite a substance, responsible even for theories of the universe.

It's now 18:41 and I'm in the office. This is no surprise to me. I've been here before at this time and I think I'll find myself here late quite often. I'm not actually working, it's just that I have something to do after work, which would put me in an awful rush if I decided to go home first. This time I have been prepared. I bought a nice healthy chicken curry thing from M&S and some plums. I'll confess to having eaten more plums than I was planning, but they were very nice, so it's my prerogative.

I've been noticing how cold it is recently. I have a few theories about why this may be:

1. It's winter and a cold one
2. My heating is not working as well as it ought to
3. There's a secret hole somewhere in the house letting heat out
4. I'm no longer as insulated as I'm used to being

I suspect this last one is the real answer. I was even quite chilly walking near the fridges in Asda yesterday.

I bought a new coat today. My existing coat is far too red (well, "Salsa") for my taste and is also a size too large. So, once it is delivered, I shall be the proud owner of its smaller and navy counterpart. I nearly paid £5 more in M&S for a coat until I realised that it didn't have zipped pockets... you HAVE TO HAVE ZIPPED POCKETS on a fleece.

I know this is a rather dull entry to a blog. I could spice it up by mentioning that I saw The Fast Show Live last night and Return To The Forbidden Planet on Saturday night - both of which were fantastic. But I'll not bother.

Nice wee quote:

If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then
let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives.

Plus a recommendation to visit Taliban Reunited.

Ah the trip away did not take any toll on my downward-mass velocity. Another -2 this week, taking me to -40 aggregate. Just call me slimmer of the sodding year. Again, I would like to point out that this is purely luck and related in no way to how much I suffer or how cleverly I manipulate my own metabolism. No doubt there's going to be hell to pay at some point when my body realises what I'm up to.

I will state, at this point, my goals.

1. Lose something like one or two pounds each week
2. Avoid sausage rolls
3. Avoid complacency
4. and mayonnaise
5. Avoid smugness: just because I'm losing weight doesn't mean I get to be proud of myself - I should not have been such a bezzer in the first place
6. Achieve something like a target weightloss of 100 pounds - this is simply because it's a nice number
7. Lose more inches around the waist - perhaps a target waist-loss of 10 inches would be also nice and round... or perhaps the opposite of round, but you know what I mean
8. Do more physical things - be the sort of person who can walk, dance or climb his way in or out of any situation
9. Enjoy it - I'll only have this one chance to live my life, might as well do it with a smile on my face

All the rest is commentary.

The last two days have been great.

Tuesday saw more work on the musical. Chris and I appear to have produced something truly... longer than 25 minutes. We proved this by performing all we had completed, bar one song, in 25 minutes. So, if length is important, we're on the right track. In seriousness, there are bits of this musical I find myself humming incessantly - I feel like I've infected myself with a meme of at least partly my own devising - this is akin to shooting oneself in the foot, but feels a lot better.

The work side of things was interesting on Tuesday too. A fun meeting, coupled with some real progress on my project... good stuff!

Wednesday saw a marvellous revelation in the weight department, a chance to organise a work-related trip (and extend my non-work-related trip - thanks again CB!), a fun time debating and... well, does there need to be any more? Okay, I also got a chance to fix a problem which was considered very difficult to fix - it was a fluke, but I simply moved about 12 characters out of one file and into another and the program started to behave itself! That's some sort of result...

I also bought a bag for my trip. The lady in Woolworths took this sale-item bag and inspected its zip. I thought that was good - perhaps she is ensuring I'll not bring it back damaged. Then she took a quick peak inside. At that point, I realised she'd actually been distracting my attention from the fact that she was ensuring it was empty. I reckon if I'm going to be accused of being a thief, she should at least have the decency to do it to my face.

Then I managed to get a laugh from one of my favourite new catchphrases - Ancient Chinese Proverb: A man does not know patience until he has attempted to iron a fitted sheet - which I attributed to the Chinese Book of the Dead.

To top it off, I even got to buy some sweets and then not eat them - I had some fresh fruit later on in my own honour (see yesterday's weblog for what I'm getting at!).

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-in, Weekly Wednesday Weigh-in, la la la la, OY, la la la la, OY.



-2 taking me to an aggregate of -38. More importantly the next milestone has been crossed. I'm now reaching the sort of weight I had when I successfully made a gargantuan effort to lose weight. At the moment, I feel like I've made little effort, so perhaps I'm approaching the starting blocks of a proper exercise.

It's all in the family in this Middle-East crisis... thanks to Simon for the link.

Despite a rather relaxed week, the weekly-weigh-in, delayed until today, making it a Friday Force-exerted Feedback Fandango, has given me another -1, taking me to a healthy -36 aggregate score. Perhaps I shall take a nice walk or two before the next visit - especially since there are moves afoot to drive me off the beaten track of healthy living next week.

What is it that happens in a man's life which makes his impulse purchasing remarkably homely. Wilko Waffle-Weave tea towels... Given my love of alliteration, these shall now be termed Wilko Waffle Weave Wet Washing-up Wipers. They'll go nicely with the new tray and place mats I also recently bought without planning to. At this rate, I'll actually start using the Kleen-eze catalogue which people keep putting through my letter box and then later disturb me in order to demand them back.

I can't help but like the style of this article. Perhaps the writer is a bit (lot) of a cynic, but he tells it straight - right or wrong.

Some great alternative muppet ideas here too... disturbing!

I can't help but wonder whether this writer is not hiding what they really think about the infants' artwork they're reviewing.

The deed is done. Today is the day that the music died - or maybe it's when the music was born. Either way, I have nothing to do now but wait.

Thanks to Mark for his masterful skills, Anna for encouragement and support (and the loan of Mark) and the Red Devil for helping my fingers do what they felt they sort of wanted to. CB, it's in your hands now.

I was at the doctor's waiting room today and bumped into the people who lived next door in my old house. I recognised them and said hello - they were in conversation and so, after a quick "hi" returned to that. That's fair enough. However, when the lady of the couple went off to be seen, I had rather expected to exchange at least pleasantries with her husband. He picked up his book and stuck his head in that, without a glance my way. Maybe I'm being touchy, but I found that rather offensive. I can't say that his company is worth getting particularly excited over... so no real loss. However, I thought it basically ignorant and unfriendly. I got a goodbye as they left, though I think I initiated that.

A curiously long backlash-style rant on another site. Let's ignore the apostrophe errors for the time being and focus on his surreal approach to using the powers of the complaint.

Was at a gig tonight for just under 3 hours - but was it 3 hours wasted? Well, the band was, but the gig wasn't... if you see what I mean... just follow the damned link!

Massive massive massive thanks to Mark. I had a fantastic day yesterday and I think we achieved something truly... different...

The red devil's first outing was momentous.

It couldn't last - the apostrophe would be the end of them. Bye bye "hear'say".

On a musical note, I am now the proud owner of a certain...



...instrument. The photo does this little beauty no justice. I look forward to recording with the red devil in days to come. I'm rather excited.

Well, it's been absolutely crazy over the past few days, and it's really been a lot of fun. I shouldn't admit it, but I just made a guitar purchase... that Fender DG-22CE in gorgeous Cherry Red is a joy to behold and also playable for even the cack handed fool that I am. I feel I have a reasonable deal on it, and I need it for the weekend (makes crooning noises in the direction of Mark).

I lost weight in my premature weekly weigh in - no time for weighing tomorrow. I've done a -1, which gives me the -35 aggregate. I can't help but feel I'm merely oscillating around a situation of not changing. Never mind. Maybe I'll find time to do something energetic before next week - that may help.

CB, you're genuinely an inspiration.