Googlism is a strange use of Google to define things. Asking the question Who is Ashley Frieze yields, two short and sadly true statements:

ashley frieze is a very poor musician/singer/songwriter/lyricist
ashley frieze is fat

Perhaps I should stop writing self-deprecating things about myself on the internet.

Curiously, the answer to the question What is Ashley Frieze adds:

ashley frieze is a really nice guy

Ah... bless!

Nearly recovered from the hectic Wednesday... and it's nearly time to lose more sleep. Roll on le weekend. A quick wander into town today yeiled the Thursday Tardy Twice-Fortnightly Thickness Test Result of 0. Yes, that's nothing. I've gained and lost the same amount of mass this week. This is probably for the best, since last week was a surprise loss. So, aggregate weight lost since the end of May still stands at -46. Not bad. More to do. I want -50 by the end of the year... but perhaps I want never gets. We shall see. I don't regret having a two course mexican meal this evening, even the fried ice-cream is not a source of worry to me. So long as I'm a little more reserved for the rest of the week, I should be fine.

I'm feeling balanced and non-neurotic. The neurosis and eating disorder are booked for Feb!

More random quote generation. Not quite the bibulator, but close enough to get a cigar.

All in, this has been a good weekend. I've had two rather late mornings - at least later than I would have liked. However, I've managed to make the best of my afternoons/evenings. Saturday night's gig involved the talented 3 Hours Wasted and a bit of chit chat with some interesting people, in between the haunted strainings of the other two bands.

Sunday was a day of me-time. I did my week's shopping, cooked some potato and leek soup and some sort of chinese black-bean-sauce-style dish. However, the main two activities of the day were reading the remarkable novel that is The Perfect Fool and going to see Harry Potter at the cinema.

The cinema trip, not as remarkable as my trip to the first film, had its moments. I decided to hang back after the film to view the cast list. I was convinced that one of the knights in a picture on the wall, who had a single line, was played by Terry Jones - sadly I have no evidence to suggest this, despite reading the credits. I was also looking to see whether I was right when I thought I saw Ms Rowling herself playing "passerby on King's cross platform" - again no proof either way. The other occupants of my row were also reading the credits, so I could not leave until they were done. This was a fortuitous turn of fate since I discovered that the dialogue coach in the film is a relative of mine - I'd never have otherwise known.

I chose to thank one of the two ladies who was blocking my passage (it seemed only polite, given the bizarre outcome of her blockage) and ask who she'd been scanning the credits for. Apparently it was some lad who had asked her out and had attempted to impress her with the immortal words "I'm on the credits of Harry Potter". "Is that was it takes?" I asked as she said that seeing his name had helped her make her decision about dating the gentleman? Apparently so! I shall have to remember that one for the future - "Hey babe! I'm on the credits of the Harry Potter film - yeah, my name... it's Robbie Coltrane."

I enjoyed the Harry Potter film, but it's clearly not intended for the likes of me - the six foot-one lone 28 year old male - the adverts before the film proved that, as did the strange leer I got from the UCI staff (sorry, "cast") member who sold me my overpriced ticket. I don't care! It was fun and indicates much of the depth of Ms Rowling's writing. Sadly it also illustrated some of the shallowness of certain young actors' performances and the "special effects" department. However, I managed to suspend disbelief long enough to enjoy the tale. I also enjoyed the regular tours of the quad of Durham Cathedral that were paraded in front of me - they like that place!

So long Richard Harris - I don't know who baked your cake, but we'll never have that recipe again.

Now, if they need a body-double for Hagrid for the next film... it might just impress someone...

Back in the dark days of 1998, or perhaps even 1997, a photograph was taken:

This photo has the word "proof" on it. Indeed, proof it is. I was in fact a remarkably shaped Ashley. I do not think I'd believe that shape without proof. Note also the Tyne Bridge, obviously in the photo for scale - I'm pretty large compared to that. Note also the Volvo parked up my arse.

click me

The photo was taken before I took my first tentative steps towards weight loss. This was before the current count, proudly and boringly displayed on this site with regularity. Adding the amount of weight lost between now and then, the aggregate total would go from its current -46 to something like -74. The point? being fat is not big or clever... well, it is big, but it's not clever. I should never have been that large. Now I am putting it right and I feel much better.

Good grief. Wonder at weekly wednesday weigh-in wesults. Apparently I'm -5 on last week. This is excellent if it can be maintained or improved on next time. I want to provide free cheese before Christmas... so target of -4 for the next 4 weeks. Current aggregate: -46.

This week's mass-measurement results are as follows:

Following 7 gruelling days of endeavour, including walking to work, walking back and even moving heavy items around, counterbalanced by a voracious appetite for food, satisfied by significant intake of fruit, the day's determined delta (or investigated increment) is -1. This returns the total weight change to the value first reached two weeks ago of -41 close to -42, but no cigar. Better luck next week.

My little hamster friend wishes he were one of the animals.

If all my problems
could be solved in a click
If all my questions
could be answered from a link
If all my needs
could be satisfied with a simple credit card transaction
If my entire being
could be nurtured by the internet
What a shallow individual I would be
But it would be easy.

I just crossed a line... I spent a while reading my own archive. I actually enjoyed it. Perhaps this is the first sign of disappearing up one's own behind. Perhaps if a few of you other readers read the last few months' blog entries too then it will look more like I've started a trend. If you don't, then basically, I've just taken an unhealthy interest in myself and will have to face that sad fact alone.

Looking back a year we see that I was slightly unimpressed by the company at the first Harry Potter film. Curiously, I remember the film being good, but do not remember the thing I was complaining about in the article I wrote about it. I'm looking forward to seeing the next one.

So many nights without watching DVDs and then three in succession. I'll not harp on about The Matrix any more, except to say that I wish I'd seen it earlier, but I'm glad that I've only got 7 months to wait for its first sequel, rather than 3 years (if I'd seen it when it was first released).

Friday night saw me watching The Shawshank Redemption based on a very good story by Stephen King, one of the three stories in his book Different Seasons, which all became films. Shawshank was a couple of hours of excellent cinema, and served as a reminder that I'd like to see The Hudsucker Proxy again. Tim Robbins has not done as many films as I'd like to see him in, and I didn't realise that he was also in High Fidelty, which I saw a week ago... I suppose I wasn't looking for him.

Saturday night saw my second watching (it needs watching twice, though remains as incomprehensible the second time... although you're in on it) of Fight Club.

And now, my friends, it's Sunday. It's 4pm and I'm sitting in the office tidying up a few loose ends. Why? There are 4 reasons:

1. I needed some coffee beans, and although I'm still without them, I managed to get to Starbucks and, at least, buy a nice frothy coffee as a consolation for their being out of the beans.
2. I needed a walk, the coffee was an excuse for a walk - I like purpose if I'm walking
3. I needed a change of scene - well, I didn't really, but I thought it might be more interesting to be somewhere other than the home or walking the streets for a few hours
4. I wanted to get some work done (albeit for myself, rather than my employer) and needed somewhere with fewer distractions - read guitars... a guitar within arm's reach is a constant source of distraction at home

So here I am. However, today has been no wash out. I've made my own cranberry jelly, done some hoovering, washed up a couple of times, done some laundry and even performed my weekly shopping. So, why not take a break in a deserted office building with nothing but Frank Sinatra and a caffeine-induced headache for company?

I rest my case.

So there's this gorilla and she knows sign language and has written an album. There's no punchline.

WOW - the first backlash article in 6 months (nearly). Read about a recent pointless email wind-up perpetrated against yours truly... I liked the ending.

Have I just seen The Matrix? Did I pay a mere £7.99 to buy it from Play.com? Did I enjoy it? Did I go as far as turning the volume up, turning the lights off and even wearing my glasses to ensure I got the best view of the film and the best cinematic experience possible? Had I never seen this visual treat before?

Well, if the answers to any of the above were NO, it would be quite an imagination I had even asking the questions. So, having just done all of those things, I'd like to sum it up in the words of Keanu himself: "Whoah".

Thanks to W for point this little gem out. I particularly like the unintentional word-play in the first sentence of its last paragraph. Thanks to Mal for suggesting something to do with revenue streams... eugh!

All things considered, not a very good day so far.

Weekly wednesday weigh-in was worsened by weekend weakening of will. +1 giving us aggregate of -40 again. D'oh!

Then I spent a very long time in Index, surrounded by imbeciles. I'm not sure how long I spent there. Ironically, if they'd provided me with the stop watch at the beginning of my visit, I could have timed how long it took them to piss about. Add to that the moron Moldovan outside the shop murdering a strange tune from inside his head on his trumpet... well, my usually even temper was challenged.

Then I return to find out that, as far as judges were concerned, I spoke reasonably badly in debating on Saturday... but what do THEY know... okay, probably more than I do.

On the up side, tonight's debating should be a lot more fun.

And a quick haiku from the vault, in honour of last night.

Tempting to get hold of a bunch of AOL CDs to give to these crazy people.

Some people have too much time on their hands... does the world really need Star Wars in ASCII? Probably would be a shame not to have it...