If I were a cynic, I'd say that weddings were invented to make single people feel even more isolated and desperate than they already are. If I were a cynic, I'd say that. However, I've been to three weddings this year, and at none of them have I felt that way. They've been three very different occasions, and my social experience at each has been markedly different, but I have felt neither isolated nor desperate. Phew!
Given that I know that a least one representative of each couple whose nuptuals I've attended reads this blog, I should tread carefully in what I write. Indeed, I shall not be passing comment on anyone's wedding day in particular. However, I will say a little about marriage. I believe in it. I think it's a wonderful thing when two people find each other and decide to commit forever. If you can make that commitment than you have found a person whom you should be with. Marriage doesn't suit everyone, and that's fair enough. Equally, some couples aren't ready for marriage yet - perhaps they need to develop, as a couple, to that stage, or to the stage where they call it quits and walk away. As humans, I think we have a straightforward purpose - develop as individuals and bring the next generation up. The framework of marriage is a good way to achieve both. Stability and love are not to be underrated.
It's strange that I should wake up on this wedding day (admittedly, someone else's) after a rather bad dream concerning the breakdown of my last relationship. Perhaps it's not. Perhaps it's perfectly obvious that my brain would react to the celebration of someone else's relationship by spewing forth comments on my singledom. Dreams are generally meaningless, or if they have to have a meaning, it's usually not found by taking their content literally. In this particular dream, I was required to improvise a performance with my ex. We were performing in a house or flat, with our audience watching through the windows. We couldn't see them, but we knew they were watching and could hear us. We had to improvise some sort of theatrical piece (don't ask me why) and, without thinking, I started a "sketch" which took us through a reenactment of our break-up. In the dream, we were not a couple, we'd simply been thrust into the same place for this pointless feat of drama, which was ended by my closing the curtains of the room we were in. Neat. The curtain came down on the performance with domestic curtains.
Hooray for my mind. Hooray for being without any responsibilities and anyone to wake me up that I could sleep long enough into the afternoon to have time for this amazing feat of nocturnal fantasy. Hooray for it all.
Shopping and mowing
In other amazing news, I managed to visit the supermarket and buy lots of fruit. Indeed, I bought nothing unhealthy at all. I treated myself to a hot meal, at the supermarket's cafe (why I didn't buy something and cook it at home is beyond me) and even that was relatively healthy - though I did stuff a muffin down. Oops!
Back at home, I took it upon myself to tackle the lawn. It was really quite deep, having remained unmown for much of the growing season. I put a solid hour into the task and returned to the house with shocked muscles. Me, exerting myself? Me? Surely not!? A quick shower and I was back to my usual self - sitting in a car driving somewhere.
There seems to have been a bit of sarcasm in this post. I know it doesn't work online. You'll just have to guess where I'm being genuine. I should point out that the positive stuff about weddings was genuine. I really wouldn't go online and publicly slam the happiest days of people's lives when I know those people read. I'd simply not write about it. But since I have written about it, and since I don't intentionally mislead on this blog... well, it's clear that I'm a big fan. The sarcasm comes a bit later.
My life is in something of a state of flux. I'm really without purpose at the moment. Things will conspire to give me a purpose in the not too distant future, I'm sure of that, but at the moment, I'm a fairly pointless individual. If I were to wink out of existence, I'd hope that I'd be missed, but I don't think the course of anyone's lives would be significantly altered. While it would be fairly arrogant to assume that it's my place to be an alterer of the course of everyone's lives, I think it's a good aim to be in a position where you have the responsibility or opportunity to make a difference. Putting a show on at the fringe was an aim - nobody's life (with the exception of other people in the show) was going to be changed significantly, but we brought maybe the total of 1000 man-hours' entertainment into the world, which must count for something.
Yes. I'm in post-Fringe blues. It's a lot more pernicious this time, though. I don't feel like I've got the blues... but if I scratch the surface...