I had a gig booked in Derby. I discovered, at some point, that I was closing the show on a door split. The door split is a theoretically fair system of payment, as the acts get a proportion of the money actually paid by the punters to see the show. However, put too many acts on, or get too few in the audience, and this system seems less fair. However, it is fair, it's just not necessarily a way of making money from a gig.

It's not about the money though. It's about making audiences laugh. So, with the last spot secured, my job was to watch the rest of the night, gauge the audience and see if I could make them laugh after everyone else had had a go. They were a nice bunch. I could see that had a bit of a dark streak about them and there were some people who wanted to play along. It had the potential to be good.

On the downside, though, the random selection of acts and the varying degrees of capability meant that the room I was handed, as I took to the stage, was a bit fragmented and uncertain of itself. It took about 5 or 6 minutes
before I fixed the room. Then the real fun started. It was a great gig for me and I really enjoyed it. I did more than my allotted time, with the permission of the promoter, who had previously suggested that the audience would probably run out of energy... they didn't. I left the stage and the cheering satisfied that I'd done a pretty decent job for once.

One particular thing that tripped out of my mouth related to a punter, who had been chipping in from the front row all night. Just as I was about to do something, he announced to all that he was going to the toilet for a wee. I pointed out that the creed of many comedians is that they want to make people laugh until just a little bit of wee comes out. I suggested that perhaps in his case, it would be nice if maybe some blood came out too... it sounds harsh, but it was delivered as a joke with a smile and no malice, and it cracked up the room... sometimes you just know what to say.