I tend to feel more sane in the present than I ever remember myself being in the past. I think it's an age thing. I think that it's also a self-delusion. We need to convince ourselves that we're making the most of our lives in order to avoid feeling depressed and fearful of impending death (geologically speaking, we're all about to die... soon!). So, it makes sense to think that now is our wisest and sanest hour, and that any events in the past are indicative of a lunatic spirit now purged by today's clear-thinking.
In truth, I've often looked back and felt this, which probably means that, in a year's time, I'll look back on this day and consider myself to be woefully deluded. Which, probably, means that I've been absolutely barking mad all along.
Shame.
However, looking back to some sort of in-the-moment account of how I see life, is a luxury I'm allowed as a result of my frequent (but not necessarily regular enough) additions to this blog/journal/diary/brain-dump/whatever. The annoyance is that I don't always write in it. When life gets very busy, and when my grip on sanity becomes the most tenuous, I tend to fail to write down what's going on.
As an example, there's a great big hole in the blog for October 2005 - don't look in the archives, it's not there. October last year was probably one of the most significant times in my life. My relationship with my job was completely changed and my life in Newcastle suddenly looked optional, rather than an essential part of my future. Not a dickie bird (which, when you think about it, must be rhyming slang for "not a word").
Shame.
As a result of this, I have decided to retrospectively blog last week's antics. I'll try to keep it brief and interesting. I'll fail. The posts will also appear before this, so if you read things in order, it will look like I'm saying that I'm going to do something which you've already read. That's not my problem.
In truth, I've often looked back and felt this, which probably means that, in a year's time, I'll look back on this day and consider myself to be woefully deluded. Which, probably, means that I've been absolutely barking mad all along.
Shame.
However, looking back to some sort of in-the-moment account of how I see life, is a luxury I'm allowed as a result of my frequent (but not necessarily regular enough) additions to this blog/journal/diary/brain-dump/whatever. The annoyance is that I don't always write in it. When life gets very busy, and when my grip on sanity becomes the most tenuous, I tend to fail to write down what's going on.
As an example, there's a great big hole in the blog for October 2005 - don't look in the archives, it's not there. October last year was probably one of the most significant times in my life. My relationship with my job was completely changed and my life in Newcastle suddenly looked optional, rather than an essential part of my future. Not a dickie bird (which, when you think about it, must be rhyming slang for "not a word").
Shame.
As a result of this, I have decided to retrospectively blog last week's antics. I'll try to keep it brief and interesting. I'll fail. The posts will also appear before this, so if you read things in order, it will look like I'm saying that I'm going to do something which you've already read. That's not my problem.
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