If I were to go all dark and miserable right now, I would probably bemoan the fact that I'm living in a house without a working kitchen or bathroom, or heating. I would probably complain that my laptop is inconveniently broken, my girlfriend left me, my car is rusting, I've spent a fortune and the skin on my hands is a bit dry. I would probably moan about my relationship with my gigging feeling a bit awkward and how I fear returning to the stage, yet fear never returning. I might even complain that I'm tired and cold.
These things are all facts. I blog about them, it's true. I blog about what it occurs to me to write about. That's what I've been using this blog for since its inception... but...
I'm not actually feeling miserable. Perhaps it's shell-shock at the huge changes in my life. Perhaps it's blind optimism that everything will probably be ok. I don't know. There have been a lot of things to deal with this year, and I seem to be handling them by simply doing what I need to do. A carpet needs taking up, I take it up. My hands have dry skin, I buy some hand cream. My house is cold, so I live in one room with a 3Kw heater. My house is a bit of a wreck, so I organise a queue of builders etc to come in and de-wreckificate it. I don't know how to arrange the house, so I ask people until an obvious answer forms. We go with the obvious answer, because that's what you should do.
So, whence comes the resolve to do all of this? How do I avoid curling up in a ball and wishing for it all to go away? I suppose that necessity is the mother of invention. I suppose that I like to have a cavalcade of nonsense happening around me, for me to be the one that sorts it out. It's not getting me down because maybe I enjoy this sort of silliness. The practicalities aren't getting me down because the people around me, so far, are making it easy. I can go over to my ex-girlfriend's house for food and showers still, and we're all cool about it. In fact, we're getting on famously, which is nice.
Perhaps the other trick I employ to keep on the sane side of hassled is music. Music is one of those things which can recall times past quite easily. My recent trip to Newcastle allowed me to rescue a number of CDs from my loft, and I've spent the week downloading them into my computer (and mp3 player). So, I'm now listening to songs I've not heard in a while. This resets my mental state somewhat. I'm not nearly 33, living in an increasingly wrecked house. I'm 19, at university, living in an overheated house and not paying the bills from my own money. Mmmm.
Who would have thought that the Twin Peaks Soundtrack album would be so useful!?
These things are all facts. I blog about them, it's true. I blog about what it occurs to me to write about. That's what I've been using this blog for since its inception... but...
I'm not actually feeling miserable. Perhaps it's shell-shock at the huge changes in my life. Perhaps it's blind optimism that everything will probably be ok. I don't know. There have been a lot of things to deal with this year, and I seem to be handling them by simply doing what I need to do. A carpet needs taking up, I take it up. My hands have dry skin, I buy some hand cream. My house is cold, so I live in one room with a 3Kw heater. My house is a bit of a wreck, so I organise a queue of builders etc to come in and de-wreckificate it. I don't know how to arrange the house, so I ask people until an obvious answer forms. We go with the obvious answer, because that's what you should do.
So, whence comes the resolve to do all of this? How do I avoid curling up in a ball and wishing for it all to go away? I suppose that necessity is the mother of invention. I suppose that I like to have a cavalcade of nonsense happening around me, for me to be the one that sorts it out. It's not getting me down because maybe I enjoy this sort of silliness. The practicalities aren't getting me down because the people around me, so far, are making it easy. I can go over to my ex-girlfriend's house for food and showers still, and we're all cool about it. In fact, we're getting on famously, which is nice.
Perhaps the other trick I employ to keep on the sane side of hassled is music. Music is one of those things which can recall times past quite easily. My recent trip to Newcastle allowed me to rescue a number of CDs from my loft, and I've spent the week downloading them into my computer (and mp3 player). So, I'm now listening to songs I've not heard in a while. This resets my mental state somewhat. I'm not nearly 33, living in an increasingly wrecked house. I'm 19, at university, living in an overheated house and not paying the bills from my own money. Mmmm.
Who would have thought that the Twin Peaks Soundtrack album would be so useful!?
Labels: confusion, music, relationships, sanity
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