But I weighed heavy this morning. This might have been a result of having a crafty beer and some even craftier convenience food from the station. I had walked to and from the station last night, which is, at least, some sort of exercise. Indeed, I've been walking to the station a fair bit recently. I tend to eschew the bus. Walking back from the station was a rare joy. I was on the phone with a friend, so the time passed quickly.
My brain drifted in and out of wakefulness this morning. I was having a bizarre dream that seemed to be an alternative-reality version of the TV show Lost, merged with War Of The Worlds. Pointless and weird.
Today is my slack day. I have to use today to pull my life into gear, in preparation for the rest of the month. I say toDAY. I mean this evening. There's work to do first. Obviously.
Like a bad hangover, the events of last night wore heavy on my soul as I walked to the car from the house. Luckily it's only a few feet. Then I was on the way to work with the CD to lighten my mood and the urgency of arriving on time to keep my thoughts away from the dark places. What do I remember from last night. Like the flashbacks from a drunken bender, little moments returned to me.
- Getting to the area behind the London Palladium and not being able to find the venue
- Finding the venue eventually - it was right under my nose, and underground
- Going to the toilets at the base of Carnaby Street and realising that the guy at the urinal at the door wasn't so much pissing as looking hopefully at everyone who came in while standing around with his penis out
- Getting OUT of that toilet...
- ...After washing my hands
- Chatting to the comedians before the show
- Chatting to the reviewer before the show
- Wishing the reviewer hadn't been in
- Telling myself not to care about the combination of reviewer and lack of my comfort zone and just play to the audience
- Coming off stage and not really being able to make eye contact with anyone
- The walk away from the gig in the middle break, with another act, in mutual consolation mode
- We knew we'd been shit
- Taking the piss out of a cello in the tube station - describing its case as the container for a giant magnum lolly
- Comfort eating at Paddington station
- Chatting to the engineering lady on the train
- Making a comment about a Jewish comedian for her to tell me that she was Jewish, down her mother's side of the family, so I should watch out what I say about jews
- Her missing the bit where I said "Yeah, me too"
- Her thinking that she was failing to convey humour and friendliness in this warning, because she'd not heard my reply
- Me eventually explaining that she was the one digging, not me - "This is the jew table" I proclaimed
I didn't get a confidence boost on the stand-up... though my confidence is still riding fairly high. The confidence in non-guitar based stand-up is a bit lower than it was, but maybe I've enough excuses about why last night didn't work - like the words having a little fence to jump over between my brain and my mouse - no idea why (probably exhaustion and too much coffee). Random encounters with strange half-jewish-half-catholic women on trains leave me no further forward in my quest. Yes, I'm on a quest!
So... yeah... Bunch of Flowers!
Tonight there's packing to get ready to do, with the possibility of running round trying to buy missing items. Maybe there'll be ironing and TV. I will rest. There's a little time on the weekend for some extra DIY bits. I would like to come home to a house that's moved on in my absence, so I don't want to obstruct that.
Ok. Enough for now. My brain just turned to mush... better do some work.