I woke up at my sister's house in London. There wasn't time for breakfast. My niece came to see me for a chat as I packed my stuff away. She's only two and a half, so we didn't get onto anything weighty, though she did express dismay at the rising fuel prices. I didn't leave immediately because dolly needed dressing and Uncle Ashley can't go round leaving dollies without their nappies and jumpers on.

I headed by car to Reading station, arriving pretty much as my two cohorts for the journey to Scotland also arrived. Timing - the key to comedy. We had what I assumed would be 8 hours of driving ahead of us. With stops, this actually became 9 hours.

However, the journey was very pleasant. I knew one of the assembled cast very well and the other was in the category of "would like to get to know better". We were three comedians forming the entirety of the bill for a gig in Irvine that evening. Setting off at 10am, we had 420 miles to travel, and a gig to think about.

I had been asked by the promoter to bring two more comedians to make up the whole bill, with me as the closing act. A lot of responsibility lay at my feet. Not only did I have to transport the entire show to Scotland, but I'd also effectively chosen the support acts. However, I knew that the driving was doable and I was damned sure that the two acts would prosper on the stage they were being given.

We stopped for various drinks.

Then various wees.

At a little after lunchtime, we stopped for lunch and the promoter in Scotland, who had gone so far as to even book us rooms at a hotel near the venue (on the house), sent one of those texts. It's a text that basically means "I'm not panicking, but I'd like to know you'll be on time". I sent one back "Is it today?". This wasn't really a nice thing to do. But I knew it was a good wind up, so I had to. And perhaps playing a prank on a fellow comedian is a way of saying you love them. He replied with the one word text "Yes". I think that's the one that means "Tell me this is a joke" or "What the hell happens now?". I quickly admitted that I'd been kidding and we were making good time. I suspect that the wind up was probably worth it for the immediate sense of relief I created.

We found our guest house easily enough and had about 10 minutes to sort ourselves out. Then we were on the way to the venue.

It's not worth going into detail about the gig. All, I'll say is that everyone came out of the experience happy. I had a nice time on stage, which matters to me and the audience. The audience were happy. The promoter looked pleased to be parting with the money. All in it was good, or as they say in the area "Brelyint".

We followed the show up with a trip to the takeaway. I ordered vaguely healthily (something about boiled rice and chicken) and we took our spoils back to the guest house for consumption. Given that the day had been largely based on fruit and coffee, it was okay to eat a bit of crap.

In the wee small hours I wrote some more of my article. Then sleep.

The perfect crime.