I have visions of being the subject of a violent attack and, rather than fighting back physically, or doing whatever it takes to somehow endure the ordeal until its nearest conclusion, I'd end up continuously saying the wrong thing - provoking the aggressor more and more. I can't imagine myself sitting down and taking it. Put simply, the idea that I could bite my tongue and just Let It Go (that's a royalty to Disney, I suppose) just doesn't compute for me - even though I know that often the best thing to do is shut up and wait.

Where this goes the most horribly wrong is when I'm faced with equally outspoken people. Such conversations have no natural end.

I am not an alpha male, but I'm an alpha speaker. This is probably a good reason that I've chosen to put my instincts to good use on the stand-up stage. It's a lot better when my run-away-gob results in an audience laughing, rather than a frenzied knife attack. I'm yet to be the subject of the latter, though I'm quite clumsy with DIY tools, so I may still experience it even when on my own.

Where I'm really going to have to watch out with my unchecked mouth is around my children. I can't help myself from coming out with things which amuse me to say, even if they're a little subversive. My daughter has learned a new verse today of her favourite song - we now sing "The bottoms on the bus..." I'll leave it there, shall I?