The home of the haikulator



Sentence Generators
My Stand-up & gigs
The Coding Craftsman

The Musical!
Incredible Productions


Previous Posts

Waking up twice, we eventually managed to get out ...
A not-very-exciting day in the office followed a s...
I started the day at the Doctor's. He inspected my...
This was the last day of my pencillin supply and m...
I didn't want to do it. I really didn't, but I had...
Still with the tonsils aching, I woke up in my gir...
Well, the best laid plans. The cat proved to be qu...
I think it's a good test of whether someone is gen...
The exertions of the gig in Scarborough had been t...
Although not totally better, I got up and went to ...

Blog Archives

October 2001
November 2001
December 2001
January 2002
February 2002
March 2002
April 2002
May 2002
June 2002
July 2002
August 2002
September 2002
October 2002
November 2002
December 2002
January 2003
February 2003
March 2003
April 2003
May 2003
June 2003
July 2003
August 2003
September 2003
October 2003
November 2003
December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
August 2009
September 2009
January 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
October 2011
December 2011
February 2012
March 2012
April 2012
May 2012
June 2012
July 2012
March 2013
April 2013
May 2013
June 2013
July 2013
August 2013
September 2013
October 2013
December 2013
January 2014
February 2014
March 2014
May 2014
July 2014
January 2015
February 2015
March 2015
April 2015
May 2015
June 2015
July 2015
August 2015
January 2016
February 2016
March 2016
April 2016
May 2016
July 2016
August 2017
January 2018
August 2018
September 2018
July 2019
August 2019
May 2020
June 2020
July 2020
August 2020
September 2020
December 2020
January 2021
July 2021
September 2021

Sunday, April 24

Highlights of today include getting a "hearty" Sunday lunch at a "hearty" pub. We followed the plentiful supply of roast with a "hearty Sundae" dessert. This is a ludicrous amount of sweet stuff. Seriously. Very very ludicrous. The "hearty" aspect of the meal appears to apply to the very likely risk of cardiac arrest from consuming the quantity of food they provide. The sugar content alone of this immense glass vessel of dessert was enough to make us levitate from our seats. I had found the holy grail and it was filled with ice cream and profiteroles. I asked our waitress to have an ambulance on stand-by for when the sugar high kicked in.

After lunch, which had been taken quite late in the day already, there was a brief excursion to the back room of the pub to play the quiz machine. Sadly this machine didn't yield to our general knowledge and, at a crucial moment, I was struck with the need to visit the cubicle of the gents. This wasn't a result of the obstinacy of the machine... just nature taking its course Possibly encouraged by the sheer power of the dessert. I'll never know.

While in the toilet, I realised that I was not alone. I was alone in the cubicle, but there was footfall in the main body of the loo. Such is life. However, one of the voices of the loo-goers, was not male. I was in the right loo. They had urinals and everything. No. There was a woman in the toilet. This didn't bother me. I was quite happy to continue what I was doing. Playing Scrabble. Well, having a poo. Having and poo AND playing Scrabble on my mobile phone. I'm classy.

Talking of classy, the couple who were copping off in the main thoroughfare of the toilet - including the woman (I would normally refer to women as ladies... as a mark of affected respect... this wasn't no lady, though) I'd heard... this couple were anything but classy as they joked with other pissed up users of the toilets. Phrases like "Get it in her" and "Shall we have a spit roast" were uttered by someone. I had to get out of that toilet, it was offensive. It seemed to defile the spirit of heartiness of the pub. Hearty doesn't mean rutting-like-animals. No, it means eating-like-it's-your-last-meal. Somehow, I managed to wash my hands AND dry them, without actually looking at the couple in question. I was aware of them both by sound and with my peripheral vision. The foot of the woman even knocked into mine as she squirmed against her beau (that's beau, not "bo" or "B.O.") and as I washed my hands at the sink... but I pretended that they weren't there.

Then we left the pub.

In an attempt to find entertainment, we went to Portsmouth. I've not been to Portsmouth. It's not very different to any sort of normal seaside town. You can smell fried food and it's full of chavs and teenage preganancies. We didn't experience any teenage pregnancy while there, so I'm only guessing - well stereotyping. Such is my way.

We went to the arcades and played 2p and 10p games. The little penny-drop machines have certainly advanced since my childhood. We also played a couple of physical games, including a horrid horse racing thing (well, it was quite good fun) and the dance-mat style game which shows you how uncoordinated you really are. I am very uncoordinated and lost my "battle dances" every time. I was playing against someone who was younger and more nimble than I.

Deciding to play the crazy golf, despite the rain, a visit to the cash machine was in order. On the way there we walked past a woman using one of the 2p penny-drop machines. Her technique was amazing. She just threw coin after coin into the machine. The coins went into the machine in two slots next to the trough out of which any winnings dropped. She just scooped coins from the trough into the slots - almost like she was swimming through coins. It was amazing to watch her arms flailing in bursts. Then she'd wait to see what dropped. There was no technique. It was just a blunderbuss technique. I thought that, perhaps, she might have something. Perhaps this is how you beat the machine. Once she'd ploughed through her 50 or so coins, I realised that, in fact, this didn't seem any better than my chosen method of timing the release of each coin. However, her method was more spectacular and it was amazing to see that she'd even chosen her seat carefully so that she was next to the change machine. As her coins ran out, she reached into her breast pocket for a pound coin and got it into the change machine without missing a beat. We could have stayed, mesmerised, but had a round of "adventure golf" to play... the rain wasn't going to stop us.

I may have been a loser on the dance mat, but I managed a respectable trot around the crazy golf course. However, I fell at the final hurdle by not winning a free game for next time at the final trick shot. My companion pulled out a corking shot to win the free game... so we'll have to go back at some point.

We headed back to Southampton as I needed to pack and get on the road. I was hoping to get back home early. After a 5 hour (well, nearer four and half) uninterrupted drive, which was accompanied by, in order, Miss Saigon, The Producers and Pulp's "This is Hardcore" album, I arrived home early. Early in the morning. It was about 3.30am. I had been waylaid in Southampton. Packing had taken longer than expected and I'm quite bad at goodbyes. A trip to the petrol station had also turned into an opportunity to stock up on treats and supplies for the trip back. I had a "hearty" in-car picnic. The heartiness was clearly in the air.

Still, despite the lateness of my arrival home, and the difficulties of saying goodbye, it had been a real corker of a weekend. Weekends like that leave you feeling good. Well, it left me feeling very good. Let's see if next weekend's constant gigging will contrast the weekend of good company and being entertained which was this weekend.


Post a Comment

<< Home

All content ©2001 - 2020 Ashley Frieze