The home of the haikulator

 

Links

My Stand-up & gigs
The Coding Craftsman
BurberryAndBroccoli
MarkInventions

The Musical!
Incredible Productions

apostrophell
backlash
incredible
haiku


Previous Posts

I was lying in bed this morning, looking at the cl...
Well, I made it home. I have cycled (or pushed ...
Well, it's Sunday morning, and I'm at my desk in t...
Had some exciting news today. I'm expecting a pack...
Last night - part one - the rehearsal Well, last ...
Late Friday afternoon and I'm feeling stressed. Th...
Waiting I spend a fair amount of my time waiting ...
The jokes write themselves: www.mintyass.com.
Well, an interesting layout for this Sunday. I thi...
What is a waste of a Saturday? I don't know. I kno...

Blog Archives

January 1970
October 2001
November 2001
December 2001
January 2002
February 2002
March 2002
April 2002
May 2002
June 2002
July 2002
August 2002
September 2002
October 2002
November 2002
December 2002
January 2003
February 2003
March 2003
April 2003
May 2003
June 2003
July 2003
August 2003
September 2003
October 2003
November 2003
December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
August 2009
September 2009
January 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
October 2011
December 2011
February 2012
March 2012
April 2012
May 2012
June 2012
July 2012
March 2013
April 2013
May 2013
June 2013
July 2013
August 2013
September 2013
October 2013
December 2013
January 2014
February 2014
March 2014
May 2014
July 2014
January 2015
February 2015
March 2015
April 2015
May 2015
June 2015
July 2015
August 2015
January 2016
February 2016
March 2016
April 2016
May 2016
July 2016
August 2017

Global Domination

Locations of visitors to this page

Thursday, December 9

Oh for ****'s sake!
This week is rapidly going downhill and that's not just the easy bit of the cycling. There's no doubt that I've achieved a few things this week. So far, I have cycled in and out of town 4 times since getting the back. This has become progressively easier. Three days I've been to work and three days I've done it with bike in tow. The pain in my legs and arms is worth it for the satisfaction of feeling like I can do it.

Go me.

On Tuesday I decided to buy myself the ultimate cycling companion. An MP3 player. I had been looking at my wishlist for such a machine and, on the way home on Tuesday night, bought a machine which I believed had all of my desired features, namely:
  • A load of space for songs - in this case 20Gb - about 10000
  • A voice recorder - enabling me to record my gigs in a digital and carryable format
  • An audio recorder - enabling me to record stereo from my other gear for quick transfer to the computer
  • A radio...
Sadly, I'd not done my homework properly, and my first disappointment with my Philips HDD120 is that the FM radio is not there. This is not a major disappointment, since there's a hell of a lot of listening available from its huge hard disk. The unit is also lighter than my mobile phone, though a bit bigger, and relatively straightforward to use.

On the down side, the method of transferring music to the machine is a bit clunky, though I'm sure it will make sense in the end. I would have preferred to copy all the music I have on my work machine (all of which is from my own original CDs) in the exact structure that it appears on that machine, for the MP3 player simply to mimic. No. The MP3 player has its own ideas about how I'm allowed to sort my music, find it, and play it. I'm also not entirely convinced that it knows how to go back to where I left off should the machine be turned off mid-song, or even turn itself off after 2 minutes on pause. Shame. However, it's a cracking toy and should be pretty handy at gigs.

So, Tuesday was quite a day. I cycled into work. I worked. I went out at lunchtime. I worked some more. I cycled from the work to the MP3 player shop. I spent a lot of money on a toy. I cycled home. I had 10 minutes to grab a yoghurt and change shirt. Then I drove to my rehoisal in Durham. Then I went to see the tail end of a gig in Newcastle and then I drove home for a restless night. I had a few minutes' play with the MP3 player and transferred some music into it.

The biggest success of Tuesday was making it home on the bike quite rapidly and without avoiding certain key hills.

Wednesday was, in comparison to the rigours of Tuesday, a nightmare. This was because I had too many big ideas for what I wanted to achieve on Wednesday. Here is my Wednesday wishlist:
  • Cycle to work and back
  • Do a day's work
  • Get a hair-cut
  • Pick up DVDs of The Musical! from the post office (that was my big news - they've finally arrived)
  • Rehearse in Durham
  • Watch the end of a gig in Sunderland
  • Fall in love (well, it's always a possibility)
  • Watch the DVD of The Musical! to find the good bits
  • Convert the good bits into a format that can be downloaded by the organisers of the Melbourne comedy festival
This is clearly a very busy day. I achieved a lot of these tasks. The only task I did not complete was the bit about converting and uploading the files for the Melbourne lot. This is a shame, since I need to do this asap. It will be done tomorrow.

If you're that busy, you have a massive risk of things going wrong. Things went wrong. The bike is definitely the centre of the wrongness. Firstly, I had a wee skid down a hill out of the office. This, actually, did no harm, though it reminded me of my mortality. I didn't remind me enough, since I played chicken with a car on a chicane near my home - the home stretch is one I like to leather it on. I won the game, but, in the process, got very close to the pavement. I made a snap decision to leave the road in favour of the pavement and this, coupled with a bad angle of attack, toppled me from the bike. I emerged unharmed - except for, perhaps, my pride. Even my new MP3 player, which was playing Robbie Williams in my pocket, wasn't jarred. I landed well, putting out hands and knees to catch the ground as it came to me. I feel that I probably leapt from the bike, rather than lost control completely.

Seemingly, this was an easy escape.

But no.

90 seconds later, as I stopped the bike outside my house, I heard a hissing. The back tyre was going flat quickly. Perhaps this was unrelated to the adventure with the pavement, especially since I don't recall the back tyre actually hitting anything. I don't know. So the bike is now out of action. Never mind. I only had 2 minutes to get back in the car and get to my rehearsal. This had been complicated by the fact that I'd forgotten to pick up my rucksack from the office and had to detour in order to get it. The rucksack contained the DVDs I intended to watch and convert. Oh dear. The evening's already going pearshaped.

A bit of rehearsing and rapid driving later and I managed to leave Sunderland having seen the gig I went to see and having rehearsed on time. I also picked up a costume for a photo shoot we're doing on Saturday. I need to adjust some of this with sewing and some of this with safety pins. Both are doable. I don't know when I'll have time to sew buttons between now and 9.45am on Saturday. Aaagh! The time will make itself available.

Anyway, I took a detour on the way home to go to Tesco - I bought some shirts, one of which will do as a replacement for the ridiculously small shirt I was sent with my costume. I also bought some sandwiches. I'd not eaten for about 11 hours at this stage.

The DVD watching was hampered by the fact that the DVDs don't read well in 2 of my three players and nearly didn't read in the last. Sadly, one of these players was the one in the computer, which ultimately hampered the process of converting to downloadable form.

Finally, having set the computer onto the task of converting something it could convert, I thought I'd take a look at my flat tyre. If I could quickly remove the wheel and patch the inner tube, I'd be able to take another crack at my cycling into work thing. There was a problem, though, the nut holding the wheel to the rear fork, was very tight. It was too tight for the wee spanner-like thing that came with my puncture kit. After a bit of searching, I found an old-fashioned cartoon-dog-bone-shaped thing which is used for bicycle nuts. I applied a huge amount of downward force to this spanner and it sheared off in my hand. Not satisfied with breaking the spanner, the force then continued to take my wrist across the sharp end of this recently sharpened spanner fragment and create me a gash in the wrist.

It's now the small hours of Thursday morning and, at the end of a hectic, nightmarish day, I'm standing in my hall with a wound that is in a rather important place and starting to bleed. Bugger!

Keeping one's head in a crisis
I live alone. I don't call on the neighbours to do much for me. I don't really call on anyone. I was looking at what might be a serious wound and wondering whether I'd lose a serious amount of blood. I was slightly shocked by how the day had managed to take such an amazing downturn. I was pissed off at the bike for being just annoyingly inadequate enough to add itself to being instrumental in my injury. This was in addition to the fact that it had clearly not been assembled brilliantly (the overtightened nut being one example, a few creaks being another, and the fact that neither front nor rear gears engaged accurately being a more annoying manifestation).

Things were not looking good.

I didn't so much dither as wander around a little pondering my options. I eventually talked them through. Doing nothing was bad. I might bleed too much, stain my bedclothes, get tetanus, have a poorly healing open wound or any number of nasties. So I felt that I needed immediate medical attention.

I couldn't walk to the hospital, I sure as hell couldn't cycle there, and my left hand was far too busy holding the wound on my right for me to be much use driving myself. It was quite a comedy thing to see. Me trying to operate phone books (for a taxi), telephones, shoes, a coat and the front door, while simultaneously trying to hold my blood in, thus occupying all spare hands. With a taxi called, I waited outside. I waited for the taxi. I waited for the hysteria to kick in. I was probably in a little shock. I made me a joke to laugh at. "I thought the bike would be good for me." It's not a classic, but it made me laugh.

The taxi came in the end and I got to the hospital. The wound across the wrist, did look like self-harm, but my cheery face and demeanour made the staff discount that possibility... in addition, I hadn't done a good job of harming myself. I was placed in the waiting room. I was only there for about 2 and a half hours! I'm not exaggerating.

Since I hadn't purposely slashed my wrists, the experience in the waiting room seemed intended to make me at least contemplate the prospect of having a go. I managed to stay cheerful and occupied. I watched a few people. I chatted to some drunk people, who make the majority of the clientele at that time of night. I mused at my own stupidity. I watched my wound go from a fragile thing that needed the other hand to keep my very life-blood in, to something I could almost ignore, but for the tingling and look of it.

Eventually, I was seen. Had I received stitches, I might have felt like I'd got my wait's worth in attention. As is common, though, they applied external strips to hold the wound together. Let nature take its course. I was professionally cleaned up. I was given a tetanus jab. I was soon back in a taxi headed home.

The day is now over. It can't get any worse. It's too late.

Now to sleep, perchance to wake up and discover this was all a bad dream.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home

All content ©2001 - 2012 Ashley Frieze