The home of the haikulator

 

Links

My Stand-up & gigs
The Coding Craftsman
BurberryAndBroccoli
MarkInventions

The Musical!
Incredible Productions

apostrophell
backlash
incredible
haiku


Previous Posts

Post work I left work at 6.30, having had a last-m...
Late to rise I woke up today at after 9.30. I didn...
Early to work, early to leave As my girlfriend had...
Sleeeeep I slept into the afternoon on this bright...
Picking up la voiture I woke up early enough to pi...
We're jammin' So, it's my 32nd birthday and I've c...
So, I'm bored and Google-ing myself and I found th...
Camera fun This is a cracker of a story about a lo...
Agility vs Indecision I remember a low point in my...
Micra-tastic Well, I got up this morning sometime ...

Blog Archives

January 1970
October 2001
November 2001
December 2001
January 2002
February 2002
March 2002
April 2002
May 2002
June 2002
July 2002
August 2002
September 2002
October 2002
November 2002
December 2002
January 2003
February 2003
March 2003
April 2003
May 2003
June 2003
July 2003
August 2003
September 2003
October 2003
November 2003
December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
August 2009
September 2009
January 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
October 2011
December 2011
February 2012
March 2012
April 2012
May 2012
June 2012
July 2012
March 2013
April 2013
May 2013
June 2013
July 2013
August 2013
September 2013
October 2013
December 2013
January 2014
February 2014
March 2014
May 2014
July 2014
January 2015
February 2015
March 2015
April 2015
May 2015
June 2015
July 2015
August 2015
January 2016
February 2016
March 2016
April 2016
May 2016
July 2016
August 2017

Global Domination

Locations of visitors to this page

Friday, March 3

Friday Traffic Blues
Another morning of driving into the office. This time I was driving from Southampton, rather than Reading. It could all go so easily wrong. Despite leaving a reasonable 90 minutes or so for the 50 mile journey, it only takes one dickhead to destroy my chances of getting into the office on time, or, in a more extreme case, at all.

I'm not going to put myself forward as the world's best driver. It's not me. I'm barely even in the top 10... million. However, I have a reasonable sense of what I'm getting at when I drive. I want to get to the other end of the road. I want to do it as quickly as possible. I don't want to obstruct the traffic behind me that wants to go faster (unless to get out of their way would put me at unreasonable speed in a crawler lane). I want to keep a sensible distance between me and the car in front. I just want to get to the other end of the road.

However, there are people in the mornings who are not like this. They'll happily drive in the middle lane, because that's bound to be okay, right? There are people who drive with such care and attention that they end up involved in accidents. Ok, so I'm sure some accidents are totally unavoidable and I should be more sympathetic, but for the large percentage of accidents which have been caused by people driving irresponsibly, then I have no sympathy. Why? Because the net result of someone's selfish stupidity is that an entire road, which is congested already, can come to a stand-still. Hundreds, possibly thousands of people are inconvenienced because someone couldn't obey some simple rules.

I've never had to commute to work before and I will be planning my life in future to keep this task to a minimum. With some of the country's most congested roads between some of my wake-up places and my office, it's no surprise that I'm already sick of it. The biggest frustration is how generally avoidable it all is. Overall, if you can't drive, get a lift or get a train. Don't get in the way of everyone else!

So long and buzz off
This isn't turning into a positive post. So be it.

There's a long-standing tradition for people to give their work colleagues some sort of leaving present when they leave. Fair enough, I suppose. Matters must be more complicated when you work in a team of about 3 people and you decide to leave. They want to hold a collection for you, but if they each grudgling chuck in a fiver, you've still only got £10 to spend on a card and perhaps a box of chocolates. Not necessarily the big send off that you might hope for after years of diligent service.

I've always been frightened of collections and leaving presents, which is why I specifically told my work colleagues to get together and donate to charity when I left my last job. It wasn't so much an act of altruism on my part. I genuinely did not want to know how much they felt that my service to the company and friendship was worth. In pounds. Sterling.

So, should we perhaps feel sorry for the woman who is leaving the service of the coffee shop here at my new employer's place. She works with a couple of other people. They are all clearly on low-wages, so surely there's barely going to be enough for a card, let alone a box of chox or a bunch of flunches (sorry - flowers).

Well, her work colleagues have quite innovatively put a collection bowl on the counter for the punters to chuck a bit of money into. Now that seems fair enough. After all, she's been serving people coffee and sandwiches. Perhaps we've all come to love her and want to give her a happy send off.

Not really.

I really want to shout stuff into her miserable face. Just being near her is one of the most depressing experiences you can have in this office. However, it's a product of the ethos of that cafe. Rather than turn what has been a ranty post into something more ranty, I'll write the instructions to the next miserable work-dodger who comes into the cafe to replace her. Here's how to be as good as the rest of the staff here:
  • Never let a customer interrupt your conversation
  • Take your lunch at lunchtime, with other service staff and bitch about things
  • Don't worry about the lunchtime rush on the cafe - people will soon go elsewhere or wait in the huge queue
  • Sandwiches are to be made slowly
  • Don't dare go fast enough that we can see movement
  • Never make eye contact with customers
  • Polite conversation with customers is also to be discouraged
  • Smiling is not allowed
  • Your job is safe even if you give bad service, so don't push yourself

Queues
A large queue, whether it's on the road or in a cafe, will always annoy me if there is genuinely more capacity for dealing with the queue than is presently being made available. If the road is wide enough for that many cars, but bad driving is crippling the flow, or if 3 members of staff in a cafe could conceivably deal with the customers, but are not doing because they are too lazy, then I get cross.

I like to get things done at speed. Then I get more out of life. Or at least I would if I were not wasting my time bitching about it.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home

All content ©2001 - 2012 Ashley Frieze