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Monday, March 19

Oh Blog!

It seems you're never safe from the scam-spammers. I am a member of a site called MyBlogLog, which allows me to keep tabs on how my blog is being used. It is an online community of bloggers and blog readers and, as such, has private email within its system. Here's the message I just received. My comments are in bold:

From Samuel Komo,

After going through your profile , I decided to contact you for the relationship and bussines assistance .
You decided to contact me for the relationship? What relationship? My profile doesn't say I'm after random strangers does it? What the hell is bussines? Is it like cosines? Is it the product of a mathematical function that produces a graph that's curved, but like a bus? "Well, we have sines, cosines, and then bussines." What's your point Komo!?

Well, to introducing myeslf, I am Samuel Komo , TWENTY ONE years, I am a citizen of Cote D'ivoire former Ivory Coast in West Africa.
Please. Do introducing your "eslf". TWENTY ONE eh? You must be proud. So proud that you put it in capitals. Well done you. I like that you're a citizen of the "Cote D'ivoire" and that it has changed its name from "The Ivory Coast" by simply translating that name directly into French. You seem like a good egg. An egg that can't spell and is overly proud of its age, but a good egg nonetheless. Are you getting in touch for some good reason? I hope so. I'd hate it to be a scam or other rip off scheme.

I am writing to solicit your noble assistance for the transfering and investment of Nine Million, United Stat Dollars US D. in your country under your guardianship.I am the only Son of late Chief Komo Agams,before the death of my late father, he was the Director of Cocoa & Gold Dealers in Abidjan capital of Cote D'Ivorie and Accra Ghana respectively.My late father father was poisoned by my uncle with ganged up of my father's bussiness associates in one of their dinner.
Oh my god. Your "father father" was poisoned in his dinner. That's terrible. And you want my help to invest Nine Million "United Stat Dollars US D". I've not heard of that currency. I can assume from the "stat" that it must be a more static currency than the current dollar, which is not so much standing as tumbling at the moment. You're the son of a Chief and you were involved in Cocoa & Gold (two industries which really go hand in hand, like sportwear and sporting items, foodstuffs and foodcontainers, and paperclips and condoms). Your late father father must have been a great man. Tell me more.

Before his death last year, he called me confidentially and informed me in confidence of this sum of Nine Million, United Stat Dollars US D. he deposited in a prime bank here in Abidjan. Pending the guarantee of your faithfulness and co-operation, he further advised me to search for a reliable partner overseas who will assist me transfer and invest the money in overseas in case he did not survive in the hospital .Unfortunately, he died. I am soliciting your kind assistance in the following ways :
So, while still poisoned, from his dinner, he rang you, in confidence, to tell you, in confidence (that's double confidence - very confidential) that he had put some money in a bank and you had to find a man overseas (that would be me, then) to take that money from you, provided this man was faithful, noble, co-operative, gullible (sorry, not gullible, credible) and investment worthy. It sounds brilliant. Tell me the ways.

To provide me good account were this money will be transfered.
I have a good account. Go on.

To help me seek for a good business to invest the money into.
I've no idea about business. What about the bussines? I think I can do them. Never mind. I've such a good account, I'm sure we can work out the business and bussines thing.

To help me search for a better school to continue my education over there.
Well, you're a bit old for school, being TWENTY ONE, and all. Maybe you could go to a university or college of further education. I'm sure that 9 million United Stat Dollars will be worth enough to go to uni for a bit.

To help me come over there to start a new life there.
Oooh. You want to come and be an immigrant. I warn you. This country is a bit racist about immigration. Sorry. Not my fault. If you want to do well here, you might have to marry someone and I'm not actually gay, so I can't give you a civil partnership with me... No. I won't do it. Well, maybe. How much is 9 million United Stat Dollars worth? If it's enough, I might even let you bum me. Just a bit. Just in the sense of being noble and taking one for the team. Of course, you might be able to wangle a visa yourself as the son of a chief, and it might just be that you need housing advice. Hey, maybe you could rent a room at my place. I'll only charge you a few thousand $Stat per year. It would be great!

I have the Offical Deposit Slip Document with me here in Abidjan. So, I look forward to hearing from you so that we will proceed and as soon as we retrieve the deposit, I will without wasting time come down to your country to witness the investing of the money, Meanwhile, you will be compensate with TWENTY% of the money for your noble assistance.More detail will be giving to you in your next mail.
It's ok. I have deposit slips here in the UK. You can just deposit the money. Or maybe a CHAPS transfer. Or BACS. Or direct debit. Or switch? No, you don't do switch? Ok. Well, if you're going to bring the money without wasting your time, just do it. I'll see you when you have the cash in your hands. You can just give me TWENTY% - I assume that's 20%, not some special other denomination of currency I don't know about. Maybe the $Stat is divided into %'s. Maybe TWENTY% is worth about £2.50 - in which case no.

As i am writing to you now, I am hiding myself in a local Guest House for the safety of my life due that my uncle and the enemies are wanted to kill me in order to claims this money deposited by my late father with my name as the next of kin.
Hang on. If they're after the money and you're hiding in a guest house for fear of your life, maybe I don't want you bringing a bunch of hitmen to my country and to meet me. Sure, they might not want to kill me, unless you give me 20% of the money and they decide to kill me to retrieve it, but maybe a stray bullet or knife might hit me. I reckon you should just turn yourself in, maybe ask for police protection. Maybe use the money to get a more secure room in the guest house.

Please help me to accord this transaction with the due confidentiality it demands. I appreciate it if you will respond to me as soon as possible.I will send you my Identification in my subsequent mail upon hearing from you. This transaction will bring us into an everlasting relationship rooted on truth and fear of God.
Sorry Sammy Komo. I can't do it. I don't want an everlasting relationship based on fear and truth and God. It sounds like the sort of relationship which ends with me dead in a hotel room somewhere having been stabbed, shot, and then poisoned in my dinner. No.

here is the hotel number +225-0914-9076 you can call me with please when you call ask for Samuel Komo room N°4. plesae reply me on my email private Box (samuel_komo04@yahoo.ca )
May God Bless You ,while expecting your immediate response.

Kind regards,

Samuel Komo ,
Nice final comma.

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