I use a site called MyBlogLog, which allows me to keep statistics on how much of a readership this site has, as well as what searches bring people here. I'm increasingly getting readers from bizarre Google searches, as my eclectic and increasing quantities of writing are luring people here. If you write on every subject and Google indexes you, then ultimately you'll be a hit for everything. Anyway, here are some really odd Google searches that have resulted in page clicks for Incredible, recently. I've included comments on each, for a laugh. Given that my site is clearly authoritative on these searches, I feel I should justify the hit with a suitable explanation.

• diy porn mature - well, if you're advancing in years, maybe you'll find DIY to be extra stimulating. My advice is to just wander round B&Q, there are tons of DIY things there, all for the gawping at... and they're just ASKING FOR IT. You can even take some of it home for some fun in your own private space, though you have to pay. Beware of cheap tools.
• ready mixed patching plaster - I bought some of this, grey stuff, made by Rawlplug. My favoured plaster would be from Hanson, but it's not ready-mixed. Mixing it is easy, though. Add it to water. Not the other way around.
• my favourite things play free julie andrews - ah, the original Sound Of Music recording. You want it free? Nah. Just buy it cheaply from Amazon
• audrey hepburn singing - well, indeed. You could buy the special edition of My Fair Lady, in which Audrey can be seen/heard singing in the DVD extras, as opposed to being overdubbed by Marni Nixon. However, if you want to hear her singing in an officially released scene, then try Breakfast At Tiffany's.
• nissan micra - I reckon that this is a search for this picture
• cost of running convection heater - I don't know. I've been doing it for a while, and I suspect it's quite high. They run about 3Kw, so it's 3 units per hour of use.
• is there a railway station scene in the musical oklahoma - no
• oops i - most likely a request for the video for "Oops I Farted Again". I can't be arsed finding it, but you'll probably find it somewhere online.
• cast iron baths scrap value - I pray that it's minimal, since I've destroyed the one I had in my bathroom.
• peugot 306 revs on its own - spooky, maybe it's haunted. Or maybe it's the modern-day Herbie. Or maybe the electronic engine control unit is knackered.
• jason donovan - once appeared in a production of Sweeney Todd.
• free sheet music "there is nothing like a dame" - why is this site becoming a haven for Rodgers and Hammerstein nuts? That's The Sound Of Music, Oklahoma and South Pacific all in a couple of days' worth of hits!
• screenplay format- example of a documentary script - good question. Have you checked out The BBC Writers' Room?
• paint bathroom pva - you want to paint your bathroom with PVA? Well, that might seal something or other. Bathroom paint is also conventional. Or tiles.
• how to make a plinth wooden box - 1. buy wood. 2. cut wood. 3. Attach wood to other wood. 4. Box.
• capped bathroom pipes - yes, you can cap bathroom pipes, especially if you don't want water to gush out of them. Compression fittings are easiest. You put the nut on the end of the pipe, then you put the "olive" on, then you wrap the screw-thread of the cap with some PTFE tape. Then, using two spanners (one to hold the cap in place, and the other to screw the nut onto it) you tighten until you feel like it won't tighten any more. Then it should hold. Or you'll get wet. Either way, it's a laugh.

Of course, this will only mean that more people searching for those things end up here.