I've been going through my diary, considering how things will fit together before the Fringe starts. I think I'm basically going to have to run myself as ragged as possible to achieve something by the end of the year. I have very few nights in planned, and I am now planning a sojourn in Newcastle in order to deal with house and garden issues. Put simply, this is not a time for relaxing. It could be the making of me. Or I could fail quite horribly. Either way, money looks to be a problem, especially with the impact of recent decisions.
I feel quite unbothered when I say this, but today my future truly hangs in the balance. I don't know which way it will tip. I know it will be a challenge, and I know I will have money concerns, if not full blown worries.
Maybe it takes bravery to take all this crap on. Maybe it is, in my case, the product of naive optimism. I don't know. I do believe that you make your bed and then lie in it. That's how life works. I also believe that being busy and hyper productive is a great feeling. I remember those moments of utter exhaustion after the first few shows of The Musical in Edinburgh. I knew I had much more to do that day, and indeed for the rest of the month. I knew I was so tired, but that I couldn't afford to give up. Once you have tasted success, anything else tastes bland an comparison. Life has had its share of blandness of late, and now I must focus on getting some success. Perhaps just gathering my tools together and tidying away the remains of completed jobs would be a start in the house for tonight.
You can't do it all at once. Step by step is the only way. So. It's time to plan some steps.