As a computer programmer, I have a number of delusions about the way the human mind works. Some of these delusions are actually decent models of human thought, and some of them are vague instincts, wrapped in pseudo-psychological bullshit. One of them relates to the idea of making oneself so convinced of something that it becomes true. I'm definitely a person whose mind is made up by being sold to.

As a consumer, I'm bloody rubbish. I will buy stuff I don't need, simply because it's been sold to me in the right way. I'm not a trend follower, particularly. I don't HAVE to have an iPod. In fact, I don't have an iPod. I have a device which I chose for different reasons than style. However, I do have a sense of a bargain and will buy all manner of crap, on the off-chance that I might want it, while it's still at a price which I consider to be exceedingly lower than its actual value.

This is nonsense. Something's value is equal to what someone is prepared to pay for it.

Anyway, the self-selling instinct in me is strong. If I make a decision, for instance, I will continually tell myself afterwards that it was the right decision to make. I will find circumstantial evidence showing it was the right decision. I will, in short, declare myself correct. This may, actually, be a good thing. I think a bit of positive reinforcement can go a long way. On top of that, if something actually does work, you want to have the conviction to repeat it.

But, I'm also a self-seller in terms of things that I haven't yet done. I could easily convince myself that I was losing weight, just by positive thinking on the subject. I'm already feeling thinner, just because it suits me to believe that I'm thinner. I will look at my shirt and see it hang, rather than bulge, and believe that my diet has almost completely succeeded. Even though I've been healthily eating for less than 2 weeks. Self-delusion is me.

On the subject of weight loss, I had had my warning signal, when I could feel the presence of the man-boobs in my shirt, where they had all but disappeared. When you can feel a bit of weight and wobble in your chest area, it's quite a surprise. I guess I know how teenage girls must feel when it starts to become "their time". I didn't want that. Now, I feel like the chestal area is less full on me. It may well be. Or, I may simply have convinced myself that I'm getting thinner and, thus, losing my bust, when in fact I've simply become used to the one I have. Self-delusion is powerful.

However, self-delusion and positive reinforcement are quite likely to keep me on the straight and narrow with my current eating plan. Essentially, I've discovered something remarkable. If you eat healthily and exercise, you feel quite good. If you couple that with the positive thinking and self-selling, you can even feel better, plus you don't feel like you're missing out. As an added bonus, you start to feel more attractive which, bizarrely, makes you actually more attractive.

I've a long way to go to recoup the losses (there's a strangely accurate phrase) of last year. But I'm feeling optimistic about it. I can see summer activities ahead with lots of running around and feeling young and happy. Sure, I'm 34. Sure, my life is not turning out anything like the way I expected/hoped. Sure, I've a number of failures that I'm sitting on as though they don't matter. But if I can make genuine happiness by selling good things to myself, then why not, eh?

This post is brought to you with a smile and owing to the slow computer that still hasn't found the droids I'm looking for.