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Wednesday, September 3

Trouble Adjusting

Well, the good news is that I'm happy. I'm in very high spirits and feel decidedly positive about the weeks to come. It is not bad news to admit that I'm suffering from the usual state of post-Fringe blues. This is just a fact of life. This year's fringe was probably the most busy yet, the only thing making it seem less busy being the avoidance of the huge hours of flyering the Fringe box office queue. I performed in several shows and zoomed all over the city doing loads of things. Coming back to real life after that is always going to seem like a big adjustment.

Last year's adjustment was hampered by a change in jobs and other lifestyle miseries. This year's adjustment is being assisted by good times spent with good people, along with the cultivation of a big "can do" attitude to the various things I need to do with my life to put it into some sort of shape.

That's not to say that I don't have my little huffs. I came back from a night out last night to find a car parked in such a way as to obstruct the entrances of both my drive and garage. This Peugeot 206 was parked between the two parked cars outside my house, which had left enough room for access to both the aforementioned car places. Rather than parallel park the car, the driver had decided to go in at 45 degrees to the pavement, thus leaving not so much a parked, but abandoned vehicle.

Had I found a roadside parking space, I might have left a note on the car with something like "Are you fucking kiddding?" or "What the fuck are you doing" or something equally f-wordy. I wasn't pleased with this "fuck you parking" one bit. Not only had they blocked my drive, but they couldn't even be bothered to park on the road properly. Too self-important, perhaps? I couldn't find a space, though, though there were various Peugeot 206 sized spaces on the road - my car is longer.

I tried to squeeze my car in the sort of gap between the rear of this car and the front of the car to my left... had the parked cars on the other side of the road not existed, I might have been just able to do some heroic shape shifting and do it. However, it just wasn't possible. In one of my moves of putting the car somewhere, getting out of it to do an external recce and then deciding how to proceed, I decided to throw caution to the wind. I was stopped behind this errant vehicle in direct line with it. I decided to see how good his handbrake was.

I drove forwards at almost impercpetible speed until my car was slowed by being in contact with the car in front. The car in front was now part of my car and I kept the power on, gradually nosing the car up the kerb and further onto the pavement. In so doing, I created a gap big enough to get my own car into my drive through.

I then went into the house and got out my whiteboard marker. Why leave a note when you can simply write on the car itself. That won't blow away. The final message read:
Do not park here again. (Dry wipe marker it will wipe off)

I like to avoid encouraging people to vandalise my car by applying wipe-off graffiti.

Perhaps I was being a bit too much of a dick there. Why should I act like I own the place? Oh yeah, the mortgage and the deeds etc etc. I hope that any future stupid parkers will use similarly light-coloured vehicles so that my marker pen shows up on their bonnets.

Or I could report them to the police for causing an obstruction.

My way is more fun.


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