The home of the haikulator

 

Links

My Stand-up & gigs
The Coding Craftsman
BurberryAndBroccoli
MarkInventions

The Musical!
Incredible Productions

apostrophell
backlash
incredible
haiku


Previous Posts

And now your "Reading"
Shazam
That's Fantastic
Why I Hate iTunes
Inscrutable
On The Brink
The Seven Deadly Sings: Writing a Love Song
Amy Winehouse: Toast
Same Scam.... now on Facebook
A Counter Missionary Position

Blog Archives

January 1970
October 2001
November 2001
December 2001
January 2002
February 2002
March 2002
April 2002
May 2002
June 2002
July 2002
August 2002
September 2002
October 2002
November 2002
December 2002
January 2003
February 2003
March 2003
April 2003
May 2003
June 2003
July 2003
August 2003
September 2003
October 2003
November 2003
December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
August 2009
September 2009
January 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
October 2011
December 2011
February 2012
March 2012
April 2012
May 2012
June 2012
July 2012
March 2013
April 2013
May 2013
June 2013
July 2013
August 2013
September 2013
October 2013
December 2013
January 2014
February 2014
March 2014
May 2014
July 2014
January 2015
February 2015
March 2015
April 2015
May 2015
June 2015
July 2015
August 2015
January 2016
February 2016
March 2016
April 2016
May 2016
July 2016
August 2017

Global Domination

Locations of visitors to this page

Tuesday, June 29

Myth Up

Here's the quick version of this tale. I had a stressful day on Saturday. It involved a certain amount of driving around more than I had expected/required and I wasn't in the best of moods. Stressed and feeling like time was a weight on my shoulders, I decided to take a stop for a coffee/tea break in the Esso garage on the local dual carriageway; it has a Costa "in-shop", a licenced version of the popular coffee chain, run by the Esso people.

My girlfriend wanted tea and I wanted coffee.

Me: May I have a medium sized tea...
Her: We only do small. We're a coffee company, so we only do one size of tea.
Me: Can you give me it in a medium sized cup with a bit of extra water.
Her: No. Sorry. It's company policy.
Me: How about you give me a small tea in a small cup and give me a medium cup separately, with a little extra water in the bottom.
Her: No. It's not allowed. Company policy.

At this stage our "Hero" starts to lose his temper.

Me: Which company?
Her: Costa.
Me: But I've been into Costa and bought tea of this size before without ever being refused.
Her: They're the shops, though. We're just a licence. They won't let us do it.

Then I had a tantrum. I bellowed at her to stuff her fucking tea up her arse and get her jobsworth face up there with it. I screamed that she was being belligerent. I didn't need this sort of shit added to my day. There was no logical reason for this restriction and it sounded like a pile of bullshit that was either there to piss people off, or to avoid litigation that would never happen. That was my tantrum. It lasted about 8 seconds. The member of staff didn't experience any of the things I just described. This is because I just my eyes and my mouth and waited carefully until all of these thoughts and visualisations of unnecessary rage had abated. I'm not an angry person. I get crabby and irritable, but I don't perform acts of violent abusive behaviour on a Saturday evening in a roadside services. When I opened my eyes again, in a calm and measured voice...

Me: I'll have a SMALL TEA please.

I also had to explain to my girlfriend why she was getting a small tea. She, quite reasonably, next to me in the queue, described all the same "workarounds" I'd just asked for and I calmly, in a voice which warned her not to push because we'd both end up savaging the little old lady serving us, used sarcasm to explain to her why it was obviously NOT POSSIBLE.

After the aftermath
So, we got on with our lives for the rest of the weekend and I vowed to exact some sort of revenge on the people who had so smited us with their irritating behaviour. This morning I decided I was calm emough (and bored enough) to give it a shot. Here follows a description of the chain of calls I made in order to solve the problem. I should point out that there was something bugging me about this "policy". It seemed like a myth. It seemed very unlikely that Costa or Esso stood to gain anything from this belligerence - it seem more like a "cult of the no". So, perhaps I could actually fix it.

Call 1 - Costa Customer Services
Me: Excuse me, is there a policy which stops the licensee from providing me with tea in a medium sized cup?
Them: We just sell the Esso garage the cups and the tea and the coffee and the equipment and they can do what they like.

Call 2 - The Garage in Question
Me: Why can't you sell me a medium tea?
Lady: We're not allowed to. By Costa.
Me: Costa say that they don't prevent this. Where's this policy actually come from?
Lady: Not me. You'll have to write to head office.
Me: Can I have their number.
Lady: No. You can have their address, and this is it...

Call 3 - The Head Office
Google is quite good at giving telephone numbers for head offices
Me: Can I talk to the person responsible for coffee shops in Esso stations?
Reception: We don't give out names and numbers.
Me: I don't want their name or number, you can transfer me.
Reception: Are you a sales rep?
Me: No. I'm a customer. I need to talk to the person who made the policy where...
Reception: You should call customer services.

Call 4 - Esso Customer Services
Me: I was in a garage, I wanted tea. They were mean to me. They said there was a policy, where did it originate?
Her: I'll have to contact the area manager for you. Give me your name and number.

Call 5 - Area Manager Rang Me
Him: Hello, my name is something you can't hear because I didn't say it clearly. What seems to be the problem.
Me: You wouldn't sell me a medium tea, which isn't pragmatic.
Him: I wish it wasn't the policy, but it's not our choice. Costa dictated it. You're not the first to complain.
Me: But I spoke to Costa and they said they didn't care.
Him: They provide us with menu boards and brand guidelines. We can't deviate from those guidelines. We get audited, so can't put a foot wrong. We can't sell you a larger tea than small. It's not allowed.
Me: Your staff could just be helpful and provide a larger cup on the sly when requested. Why be so obstructive?
Him: We're not allowed, by Costa.
Me: Who at Costa? They said they were happy. Give me a name and number.

Call 6 - Costa Sales Manager
Me: Hello, I'm a customer, tea, medium, why can't I have one?
Him: But you can.
Me: What that's what I would have thought.
Him: You can have your drink however you like. The brand requirements are a minimum standard. If the customer wants their drink their way, it should be ok.
Me: Sounds like a myth about what they can't do then. Can you tell them that they're allowed to do it, please. I'll also ring the manager I spoke to and tell him.
Him: Sure thing.

This guy was a really laid back pragmatic fellow. I'd buy him a coffee any day.

Call 7 - The Area Manager Again
Me: Great news. I've solved the problem. Costa say that you can sell me a medium tea. It's a misunderstanding.
Him: Well, I'll have to hear it from them.
Me: Got it covered. The chap will be in touch to tell you. Isn't this brilliant, though. We solved the problem.
Him: ... general sounds I can't remember ...

Conclusion
If you ring enough people in the two organisations I managed to ring, you may get an answer. In general, though, people should use their fucking common sense and make me a fucking drink when I ask for it.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home

All content ©2001 - 2012 Ashley Frieze