This Site Has Moved

New Wordpress Site

The Old/Non Updated Content...




The home of the haikulator

 

Links

Sentence Generators
My Stand-up & gigs
The Coding Craftsman
BurberryAndBroccoli
MarkInventions

The Musical!
Incredible Productions

apostrophell
backlash
incredible
haiku


Previous Posts

Oh Tebbit!
The Not-yet-lost Boy
Racy
Seeing Red - Car Purchasing Fun
Chung Clang - a Sense of Closure
Quite an offer
Where do I stand?
Lord Tebbit's the Lord of the Dance
Scam?
Gay Marriage the non twitter version

Blog Archives

October 2001
November 2001
December 2001
January 2002
February 2002
March 2002
April 2002
May 2002
June 2002
July 2002
August 2002
September 2002
October 2002
November 2002
December 2002
January 2003
February 2003
March 2003
April 2003
May 2003
June 2003
July 2003
August 2003
September 2003
October 2003
November 2003
December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
August 2009
September 2009
January 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
October 2011
December 2011
February 2012
March 2012
April 2012
May 2012
June 2012
July 2012
March 2013
April 2013
May 2013
June 2013
July 2013
August 2013
September 2013
October 2013
December 2013
January 2014
February 2014
March 2014
May 2014
July 2014
January 2015
February 2015
March 2015
April 2015
May 2015
June 2015
July 2015
August 2015
January 2016
February 2016
March 2016
April 2016
May 2016
July 2016
August 2017
January 2018
August 2018
September 2018
July 2019
August 2019
May 2020
June 2020
July 2020
August 2020
September 2020
December 2020
January 2021
July 2021
September 2021
February 2022

Tuesday, June 4

Yes and...

If I have learned anything from the last few years, it's the power of yes and no. Saying no is a very powerful thing to do, but it's dark magic. It stops things dead. In some situations that's what's required. In a disagreement it's the major instinct - say no - end of. Yet "no" doesn't really have an answer.

Him: I think we should go to France
Me: No
Him: Then I'm wrong.

That's not going to happen.

I'm not now going to suggest that when you disagree you should say yes.

Him: I think we should go to Sweden
Me: Yes
Him: Right, I'll get things organised.
Me: Shit... I don't want to go to Sweden

Pointless.

So perhaps there are two problems to solve. One: if we say no and cut someone dead, it ends the conversation somewhat and doesn't make them that willing to come up with another option. Two: if we can't say ABSOLUTELY YES, what can we say?

There's "yes... or"

Him: Let's buy a car
Me: Well, yes, or we could buy a van
Him: We could buy a van, perhaps an estate car would be big enough?
Me: Actually, an estate car would be slightly too small, but there are those vans which are also 4x4 trucks - how about that?
Him: Bingo!

Keeping a bad idea open while you discuss alternatives is probably a bit nicer. Nobody has to back down if you're "or"ing.

For more on this see Six Thinking Hats which illustrates how to avoid going around in circles arguing the toss, rather than coming up with something useful.

But none of the above is the powerful bit. Let's consider a different scenario. Let's consider something where the outcome isn't "being right" or "accepting something". Let's just consider a situation where we're going with the flow. Let's also imagine that we're trying to be creative. In this situation gainsaying another person, trying to be the winner, is the opposite of what you need to do. You should, instead, engage the other person using the power of yes, and add to what they're saying. If you feel they're going off course, steer them aside slightly and see where you end up.

Him: Why don't we record an album?
Me: Yes, and let's try to do it all in one day?
Him: Yes, and let's try to do each song all in one take?
Me: Yes, and let's each play two instruments in those songs.
Him: Yes, and let's share the instruments, so the combinations change.
Me: Yes, and let's sing harmonies.
Him: Yes, and let's have an a capella bit in each song while we swap instruments.
Me: Yes, and let's video the recording sessions, so you can see how silly it looks
Him: And the album cover could be a montage of us juggling instruments and equipment while trying to be quiet
Me: And let's call the album "Silent Juggling".


And so on.

So here's the challenge. Next time you're out, talk a bit of bollocks to someone, a nice bit of banter. Make someone's day a bit more interesting, by being a bit silly. If they bite, keep it going. Whatever they add, agree to it, encourage them to play along more and more. It's fun. If you can't do it with a stranger, at the very least ensure to do it with people you know and love. It's way more fun to say "yes and" and then see what turns up.

Silent Juggling!? Really?

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home

All content ©2001 - 2020 Ashley Frieze