This Site Has Moved

New Wordpress Site

The Old/Non Updated Content...




The home of the haikulator

 

Links

Sentence Generators
My Stand-up & gigs
The Coding Craftsman
BurberryAndBroccoli
MarkInventions

The Musical!
Incredible Productions

apostrophell
backlash
incredible
haiku


Previous Posts

To Be Or Not To Be Funny
What To Say
Guys And Dolls
A Night In
Comedic Buoyancy
Not Mildy Racist
Well Well Well
Weekends Are Funny Things
Looking Back
So What's Funny Then?

Blog Archives

October 2001
November 2001
December 2001
January 2002
February 2002
March 2002
April 2002
May 2002
June 2002
July 2002
August 2002
September 2002
October 2002
November 2002
December 2002
January 2003
February 2003
March 2003
April 2003
May 2003
June 2003
July 2003
August 2003
September 2003
October 2003
November 2003
December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
August 2009
September 2009
January 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
October 2011
December 2011
February 2012
March 2012
April 2012
May 2012
June 2012
July 2012
March 2013
April 2013
May 2013
June 2013
July 2013
August 2013
September 2013
October 2013
December 2013
January 2014
February 2014
March 2014
May 2014
July 2014
January 2015
February 2015
March 2015
April 2015
May 2015
June 2015
July 2015
August 2015
January 2016
February 2016
March 2016
April 2016
May 2016
July 2016
August 2017
January 2018
August 2018
September 2018
July 2019
August 2019
May 2020
June 2020
July 2020
August 2020
September 2020
December 2020
January 2021
July 2021
September 2021
February 2022

Tuesday, November 28

Someone's Keen

I just received this mail. Look at how many different addresses she's used to try to get hold of me:

Date: 11:49 28th Nov 2006
From: "Kathleen"
To: apostrophe.test@incredible.org.uk
Cc: apostrophell@incredible.org.uk , ashley@incredible.org.uk , ll@incredible.org.uk , nospam@incredible.org.uk
Subject: Re: Pos.sibl.e .meeting


Hello my dear friend
I was looking through the web few weeks ago abnd found
your profile. Now I decided to email you to get to know
you better. I am coming to your country in few weeks
and thought may be we can meet each othaer. I am pretty
looking girl.a I am 25. Do not reply to this address
directly. Email me back at xj@newhomefast.info


Surely, it would be rude not to reply:

To: xj@newhomefast.info
From: Ashley Frieze
Subject: Th.an.k yo.u for ge.ttin.g ain tou.ch

Hello to you my dearest fiend
Thank you for getting in touch with me at what must be a busy time for you. I assume that you are in the process of packing and getting ready to relocate to my country from... er... wherever it is that you're from. Somewhere exotic I suppose. Perhaps you're from the Eastern Bloc? or did that go with the cold war? Or maybe the cold war is back? Did you hear about that spy fellow who died? Wow. What a way to promote a Bond movie, eh? Have you got James Bond in your country?

No matter. I'm glad that you're a pretty looking girl, aged 25. There are so many girls who are not pretty looking and so many more who are not 25. Plus, there are even lots of people who aren't girls. As you probably realise, men like a pretty 25 year old girl, especially one who is from a deprived country and may have more motivation to "do stuff" to keep their man happy. Is that why you emailed me?

I feel embarrassed. I don't know your name. Your email address is XJ - are those your initials? I don't know any girl's name beginning with an X - perhaps "Xoe", an exotic version of "Zoe", though you'd have to go a long way to beat the name "Zooey", which is the name of an actress I saw in a movie once.

I like the way you've already started giving me instructions. I mustn't email you at the address you emailed me from. Righto. I'm nothing if not obedient.

So, may be and per haps we can meet each othaer. Or may be not. I reckon that your email, like the one from that nice Nigerian Prince, is probably a load of hokum. Do you have hokum in your country? I doubt it, since you clearly don't exist.

Listen, Svetlana (for that's the name I shall use for you from now on), I don't need this shit. There you are doing your best to taunt me, using every email address you can think of to get in touch, and for what? You want me to fall for some sort of scam. You're the femme fatale in the movie of my life, and nobody's even fucking watching. It's like the X-Men sequel that they can't even be bothered to make.

Well, I've had it up to here with your crap Svetlana. You can take your pretty looks and your attempts to snag a gullible UK husband, and you can shove them up your pretty white-skinned Eastern European arsehole.

Do not reply to this address directly.

Lots of love

Ashley

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home

All content ©2001 - 2020 Ashley Frieze