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Global Domination

Locations of visitors to this page

Tuesday, November 28

Someone's Keen

I just received this mail. Look at how many different addresses she's used to try to get hold of me:

Date: 11:49 28th Nov 2006
From: "Kathleen"
Cc: , , ,
Subject: Re: Pos.sibl.e .meeting

Hello my dear friend
I was looking through the web few weeks ago abnd found
your profile. Now I decided to email you to get to know
you better. I am coming to your country in few weeks
and thought may be we can meet each othaer. I am pretty
looking girl.a I am 25. Do not reply to this address
directly. Email me back at

Surely, it would be rude not to reply:

From: Ashley Frieze
Subject: yo.u for ge.ttin.g ain

Hello to you my dearest fiend
Thank you for getting in touch with me at what must be a busy time for you. I assume that you are in the process of packing and getting ready to relocate to my country from... er... wherever it is that you're from. Somewhere exotic I suppose. Perhaps you're from the Eastern Bloc? or did that go with the cold war? Or maybe the cold war is back? Did you hear about that spy fellow who died? Wow. What a way to promote a Bond movie, eh? Have you got James Bond in your country?

No matter. I'm glad that you're a pretty looking girl, aged 25. There are so many girls who are not pretty looking and so many more who are not 25. Plus, there are even lots of people who aren't girls. As you probably realise, men like a pretty 25 year old girl, especially one who is from a deprived country and may have more motivation to "do stuff" to keep their man happy. Is that why you emailed me?

I feel embarrassed. I don't know your name. Your email address is XJ - are those your initials? I don't know any girl's name beginning with an X - perhaps "Xoe", an exotic version of "Zoe", though you'd have to go a long way to beat the name "Zooey", which is the name of an actress I saw in a movie once.

I like the way you've already started giving me instructions. I mustn't email you at the address you emailed me from. Righto. I'm nothing if not obedient.

So, may be and per haps we can meet each othaer. Or may be not. I reckon that your email, like the one from that nice Nigerian Prince, is probably a load of hokum. Do you have hokum in your country? I doubt it, since you clearly don't exist.

Listen, Svetlana (for that's the name I shall use for you from now on), I don't need this shit. There you are doing your best to taunt me, using every email address you can think of to get in touch, and for what? You want me to fall for some sort of scam. You're the femme fatale in the movie of my life, and nobody's even fucking watching. It's like the X-Men sequel that they can't even be bothered to make.

Well, I've had it up to here with your crap Svetlana. You can take your pretty looks and your attempts to snag a gullible UK husband, and you can shove them up your pretty white-skinned Eastern European arsehole.

Do not reply to this address directly.

Lots of love



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