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Global Domination

Locations of visitors to this page

Tuesday, March 13

I Just Don't Get It

There's the PLS - Patronising Laminated Sign. Then there's the PPE - Patronising Pointless Email. I think that this next one counts as an FPPE.

To: Everyone
From: Someone who is clearly doing nothing better with his lifE
Subject: Refurbishment works / "moving" activity during the next month

All - please exercise extra caution as you move around the building as there will be contractors on site carrying out works associated with the forthcoming moves. There will also be deliveries of materials at various points around the building

Thank you for your co-operation

Putting aside the inverted commas in the subject line, which for me always has echoes of someone bending their fingers in the air as they "say" the word, so as to point out that it's not what they actually "mean", what does this email mean? Do people need to be warned that if there's stuff happening as they walk past it, they should not walk into it? Is this a "Please look where you're going"? Is this a "Sorry for any disruption caused"? It's not. There's no apology for disruption. I think it means one of two things:

Hello everyone. I've got a bunch of people going to make a nuisance of themselves near your desk. Wear it or you're being an obstruction.


Hi imbeciles. If you were thinking of walking around the place with your head in the clouds, you might be one of the group of people most likely to get run over by an eager builder, who will not think twice about mowing you down with his wheelbarrow. Don't be stupid. Don't even think of contacting claims direct. Just open your eyes and look for any obstructions, and if the obstruction is you, then move. In fact, why don't you just not come in for a few days, you're bound to get in the way, poppet.

Surely, nobody in this building needs a patronising email to tell them to watch out for builders. Surely people should be treated with respect. Here's how I would have worded the email:

Dear all,

We have works going on in the building for the next few weeks. This will involve contractors working around the building and receiving deliveries. Many apologies for any disruption this may cause. If you find it difficult to work at your desk with the disruption, then please let me know and we'll look at the possibility of temporarily relocating you to a quieter area.

Of course that would require the person organising the works to give a shit.

Which I doubt.


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