The home of the haikulator

 

Links

My Stand-up & gigs
The Coding Craftsman
BurberryAndBroccoli
MarkInventions

The Musical!
Incredible Productions

apostrophell
backlash
incredible
haiku


Previous Posts

Jolly Good, What What
De-Moat-Ivated
Stick it in the Family... Album
Between Posts
Myth Up
And now your "Reading"
Shazam
That's Fantastic
Why I Hate iTunes
Inscrutable

Blog Archives

January 1970
October 2001
November 2001
December 2001
January 2002
February 2002
March 2002
April 2002
May 2002
June 2002
July 2002
August 2002
September 2002
October 2002
November 2002
December 2002
January 2003
February 2003
March 2003
April 2003
May 2003
June 2003
July 2003
August 2003
September 2003
October 2003
November 2003
December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
August 2009
September 2009
January 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
October 2011
December 2011
February 2012
March 2012
April 2012
May 2012
June 2012
July 2012
March 2013
April 2013
May 2013
June 2013
July 2013
August 2013
September 2013
October 2013
December 2013
January 2014
February 2014
March 2014
May 2014
July 2014
January 2015
February 2015
March 2015
April 2015
May 2015
June 2015
July 2015
August 2015
January 2016
February 2016
March 2016
April 2016
May 2016
July 2016
August 2017

Global Domination

Locations of visitors to this page

Friday, July 23

Make Something Happen

There's a difference between the thing I do do and the things I want to do. If I had my way, I'd be a writer/performer of spoken word and music. There's a limit to what I, and anyone else for that matter, can achieve. As a result, I choose to put that aspect of my life into a second-life - a spare (and sometimes not so spare) time pursuit which both drives me down and fuels me up. I sometimes experience dissonance - a general feeling of disquiet that I'm in the wrong life. It usually happens in the day job, rather than a feeling, while on stage or making music that I should really be programming a computer.

The feeling comes as a sense of loss, a feeling of ennui, a sense that nothing good is happening and I just want something to stop the disappointment. I feel lethargic, unable to do even the simplest of tasks, inert... basically, it all feels crap. If I get going on something, then I can proceed, though sometimes with a short attention span. Then sometimes I can just absorb myself in what's happening and life seems fine.

To anyone reading who thinks they are about to successfully diagnose me with depression, don't bother. I'm a fully functioning human being at the moment - this isn't debilitating, just an emotional journey. To anyone going - "Yeah, but you comedians have a manic-depressive thing going on" - I would also recommend not jumping to conclusions. I think the very nature of being creative has a boom/bust sort of vibe. For all the up-time, you need the downs. My problem, I think, is that of context switching. I can only be committed to one thing at once. Everything else seems like a distraction. Sort of... maybe I don't know.

Today has been a really sludgy day. That said, I've achieved many of my actual objectives and the future plans I need to make have come together fine. Some loose ends have been tidying themselves up (with a little guidance) recently, so I should be happy. I think I need to make a concerted effort to put more of my ducks in a row in the next 24 hours. I think that would make me happier.

I got into various discussions over lunch about recent media events. I also managed to get my open letter to Keith Chegwin published, which is nice. I'm more and more motivated to stand up for what is either morally or logically right. I keep getting the urge to contact organisations and individuals whose behaviour I disagree with, so I can put them straight. Is this part of approaching 40 (still over 3 and a big bit years before that)? Or is this about taking a bit of responsibility in the world? I don't know. The jury is out.

Still, personal life things have been developing in a good way. I now know the constraints within which we'll be planning where to live within the next couple of years... or at least we've removed a lot of the major vaguenesses. This is a good thing. Progress will start after Edinburgh.

Perhaps I'm now having pre-Edinburgh blues. The feeling is quite similar to post Edinburgh blues except with less exhaustion and toxicity. I guess life is on hold until the shows start... which is, of course, ridiculous.

Despite having had a fairly light week, I'm still quite tired. I think that I'm slowing down through lack of gigs... there's one tonight... woohoo!!!!

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home

All content ©2001 - 2012 Ashley Frieze