The home of the haikulator



Sentence Generators
My Stand-up & gigs
The Coding Craftsman

The Musical!
Incredible Productions


Previous Posts

The Necessary Bubble
Arguing with spammers
Living with Disappointment
Life outside the echo chamber
BT Broadband Support
Monday Morning
Conversations with a two and a half year old
Blogging in the big bad world

Blog Archives

October 2001
November 2001
December 2001
January 2002
February 2002
March 2002
April 2002
May 2002
June 2002
July 2002
August 2002
September 2002
October 2002
November 2002
December 2002
January 2003
February 2003
March 2003
April 2003
May 2003
June 2003
July 2003
August 2003
September 2003
October 2003
November 2003
December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
August 2009
September 2009
January 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
October 2011
December 2011
February 2012
March 2012
April 2012
May 2012
June 2012
July 2012
March 2013
April 2013
May 2013
June 2013
July 2013
August 2013
September 2013
October 2013
December 2013
January 2014
February 2014
March 2014
May 2014
July 2014
January 2015
February 2015
March 2015
April 2015
May 2015
June 2015
July 2015
August 2015
January 2016
February 2016
March 2016
April 2016
May 2016
July 2016
August 2017
January 2018
August 2018
September 2018
July 2019
August 2019
May 2020
June 2020
July 2020
August 2020
September 2020
December 2020
January 2021
July 2021
September 2021

Wednesday, August 26

SEO Spam Fun

I received a mail

Dear business owner of,

I would wish to take a couple of minutes from your schedule and enkindle your attention towards Internet marketing for

We are proud to announce that we have just opened a new office for Search Engine Optimization (SEO,SMO,SEM). We are located at INDIA.

In relation to your profession as a business owner we would like to offer our services when you need one. Ever since our business was established we always had an image of being a dependable and reliable firm. It is our commitment that you can depend on us for our services.

-Low on-line presence for several competitive keyword phrases
-Unorganized social media accounts
-Not compatible with all mobile devices
-Many unhealthy backlinks to your web site

Our services have lots of advantages to our clients with which I can explain to you if you find time to reply us. We would really appreciate if you will try our services and I assure you that we offer good and quality service. Please reply us at your most convenient time.

If my proposal sound's attention-grabbing for your business goal, be happy to email us, or can provide me with your phone number and the best time to call you.

Internet Marketer
Skype- digitalseo2
PS I: I am not spamming. I have studied your website and believe I can help with your business promotion. If you still want us to not contact you, you can ignore this email or ask to remove and I will not contact again.

PS II: I found your website exploitation Google search and when having a glance over your web site i like to recommend you to implement future technologies like HTML5 and Responsive style to create your site additional accessible in movable, tablets, desktop etc.

I thought I'd have some fun with him. This is obviously spam and if he'd looked at my website for real, he'd know I wouldn't be interested.

What is your name?

This got a response. I would have given up then.

Hello sir,
This is Rahul, from welltechseocom, search engine optimization company INDIA.

Can we have a little time to have a discussion about your website promotion?

We do all our work organic basis and we do 100% manual submission so that our client gets a permanent result.

See, the basic work we do is we promote websites in major search engines like Google, Yahoo and Bing, and you know after Google the next famous and popular website in this global world is Facebook. we also promote in major social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter , LinkedIn, Flickr, Myspace etc.


Nice offer to put me on MySpace there. I thought I'd play some more.

What is your star sign?

He answered by playing hardball.


Are you interested on our SEO service or not?


That IS the question. But he needs this more than I do.

I will only answer that if you tell me your star sign. Or your date of birth.

So he does as he's told. Like a performing monkey.


My star sign is Leo and 24/08/1989.


Ooooh, not good enough monkey man.

Ah. That's going to be a problem. I can't work with Leo's. Is anyone else there of a different sign? Water sign preferably.

I don't know if he's now playing along, or is exasperated.

Thank you. I am not working for you. I am a sales guy. I have a technical guy which name was started the letter S.


Notice the slightly assertive offering of the first initial of the other person. He's taking the piss back... but if you're taking the piss, why are you still doing as I ask?

I need his star sign. Can you let me have it asap along with your pricing for 5 years of organic SEO. I especially need to know how much more impact to expect on my site's specific content.

Clue - read my site and you'll see I'm tugging your chain... are you going to do as I ask?



Please let me know that how many keywords you want to optimized?


He's getting tight-lipped, so time to increase the pressure... He still isn't acting like he's looked me up - I'm on the first page of google.

hi Rahul,

Aquarius? that's brilliant. My horoscope today said that someone might be telling me what I want to hear... are you being truthful with me? Can you prove your engineer really is aquarius?

How many keywords is normal for optimising? Which ones do you recommend?


I love the idea that keywords are something someone might offer you, like a random set of words to own. I'll be pursuing this point. I'm also portraying my horoscope-obsession to make me seem eccentric.

Thank you for reply.

I don't know much knowledge about this horoscope. I just give you details with name and date of birth you check it, (Santosh - 26/05/1988)

I want to give a suggestion that you start with 5 keywords. It's better for your website. If you want, then add more keywords in future.

Please let me know your budget per month for SEO?


He's doing as he's told. Good boy! Time to play more dumb

Great great great. These five keywords. How much do they cost each and do I get to choose them?

Trying to make him feel he's got the upper hand. He's definitely doing more of the work in this email conversation.


Yes, you can choose these keywords and send me.

To know more about our cost please visit us @

Awaiting for your positive reply.

He wants me to pay $400 for him to promote me. I didn't look this up back then, because my site IS the biggest hit for me, and it is about me, and... well you get the point.

How will I know if my keywords are available. I suppose I really need Ashley Frieze to be the top hit on Google. Can you make that happen? How hard would it be?

Big clue now. I've told him that I just want to be the top hit for me. You'd think he'd google me. I also act dumb as though I don't understand keywords and searching. Again, he's doing the work. Has he worked me out? If he had googled me, he'd see that of the two demographics of people who might waste an SEO person's time - comedian and IT geek, I'm in the middle of that Venn diagram!

Yes, you know it any time. If your keyword is once came to ranking than when you search a keyword in Google search box than it shows the result page. I can make it. If your keywords, competitor is high, then it takes some time to get ranking. To get ranking need to more back links to your website and manpower for this, but it is possible.


Ok... more direct... try to get him to google me...

How far is my site from getting top ranking for Ashley Frieze?

I am, after all, the top hit for me...

First of all we need to fix all the onsite errors of your website then make it Google friendly. I visited your website and looks like very old design.

If your keywords are very high competitor than it takes minimum 4 to 6 months to get ranking.


He hasn't visited my site. He wouldn't be wasting his time if he had.

Have you tried Googling for Ashley Frieze? What hits does my site get? How much would you charge to improve them?

That's me saying "Google me you dick". Either he's not bothered, or he did, but has no awareness of life!

This keyword Ashley Frieze shows on Google because this keyword is related to your website name. If your search, another keywords than Its not coming the ranking.

I will send you the link about our pricing and plan. Please check this link -


If that's the case, then paying for SEO is pointless. In addition, he's probably wrong. Here's me again telling him to blow the game...

Search my name on Google and tell me if you want to continue this conversation.
You also search anyone's name on Google it shows on top of the result page. Name and keywords there is so much different in these two words.

So, If you really interested in our service, then let me know your decision?


Boy is he not taking a hint!? I got bored of being sold at in broken English by someone who doesn't know what he's talking about.

First rule of business: know your customer. From Google's front page, you should realise why I have been deliberately wasting your time. Any comments?

First rule of getting spam - if you can, deliberately waste their time for sport. In fairness, this guy stood his ground.

Thank you for reply.

Yes, I know what you want to say. When you ask me the price for 5 years that time I understood you.

Have a good day.


Bye then.

Good luck with your spamming.


Post a Comment

<< Home

All content ©2001 - 2020 Ashley Frieze